The Parties Part one

Well, with the little bar downstairs being created they needed a new office, so what would any gay bar do? Turn the ladies room into the office. Makes sense, until you have woman trying to pee in urinals. Not a pretty picture. There were so many experiences that left me wishing my eyes would be poked out and would not have to see what I had seen. What bar patrons forget is that they may black-out and not remember, but we don’t. There was the girl who passed out on a toilet seat in the middle of going to the bathroom. What do you do? There was a customer who swore he was sober and on the last syllable projected, not only his alcohol, but Chinese dinner-quick reflexes saved me from getting it in the face. I wasn’t so lucky when little Ronnie did a shot of Baileys and spit it out through his nose and all over my neck. I wish I could say that was the grosses thing that happened to me behind a bar, but it wasn’t.
Once while cleaning off the bar I grabbed a bar napkin. As I grabbed and squeezed it, my hand filled with someone’s snots! Why someone would blow their nose and leave it on a bar top is beyond me. Any time a guy thought placing his “third” leg on the bar would get him a free drink- it got him splinters and gave me a good laugh.
Sometimes we brought it on ourselves like the “Water War” party. The idea was to give everyone a water gun and let them have fun. The reason for the party was because the air-conditioner broke and everyone (customers and workers) was complaining about how hot it was! Why fix the air-conditioner, just give everyone a gun! Needless to say it goes on record as one of the worst thought out party! Attached to the dance floor ceiling were hoses that misted, like in the vegetable aisle in grocery stores. There were also, three water stations where you could refill your water gun. There were large garbage cans willed with gallons of water. All it took was one queen to knock it over and the dance floor was flooded with water! People were sliding and falling and feet were in faces and hands trying to grab onto sometime-anything! I giggle as I look back, but I was a victim that night. Someone had the bright idea of buying 10 of those super water gun blasters! Vinnie and Chris, two bartenders that were jealous of my success- blasted me into the corner! Those things are powerful! I got back at them by taking my soda gun and squirting them with cola syrup! They were sticking to everything! Also keep in mind that the floors were just waxed and nice and shiny for the event. I am here to testify that wax and water and hi-heels/dress shoe soles do not mix. These people spent the whole night just trying to stay standing. It was a riot to watch. At the end of the night, fully drenched, Eddie, the manager, admitted “I don’t think this was my best idea for a party.”
That wouldn’t be the last time he would say that- “Titanic Party”. Again, sounded great on paper. Foam parties were the big rage some years back and we were going to have a themed one. “Titanic” was the big movie that year and Eddie had the idea of creating the sinking of the Titanic on the dance floor. It sounded exciting and really thought out. It could not fail-m enter John. John was a bartender who had great intentions, but was the typical Italian handyman- all they need are; duct tape, cigarettes and being bossy. I don’t think I was there full-time and when I went in I knew we were in trouble. The first thing I saw was John’s cut out of the “US Titanic”. It was an ENGLISH SHIP NOT AMERICAN! “Do you think they will notice?” was John’s response. Then he hands me a tee-shirt and informs me that it’s an “authentic” tee shirt. I took the tee and made a comment about how it didn’t come off the backs of the dead. “He didn’t?” John asked disappointed “Then what does authentic mean?” I bit my tongue and got ready to work. We were all excited at 12:00 when the sinking would begin. The whole dance floor was going to be filled with foam! They had surrounded the dance floor with a plastic wall to keep the foam back and not have it leak into the bar area. The time came and we waited for the foam! And we waited for the foam! And we waited for the foam…Twenty minutes later we were still waiting for the foam. All of a sudden it spit out foam. I had been to foam party where they had huge air duct hoses to shoot out the foam. We had a garden hose. I looked at the garden hose and kinda asked if they had really thought this through. At the end of the night we sat round, enjoyed our shift drink and laughed at how everyone took turns wetting themselves with the hose and foam.
But for every failed party Eddie, to his credit, had ten great ones! The tropical party was flawless. Eddie turned the dance floor support poles into tropical palm trees and we serves tropical drinks and the performer that night was a drag queen who used snakes in her act-I think her name was Sahara or something like that. All the workers wore tropical shirts and customers were encouraged to do the same.
There was also the USO Party, the Christmas Ball, the Disco Ball and all the other “Ball” parties! Excellent job- I think he should have a TV show on how to design parties with household material. He is just great with ideas!
Till tomorrow, Be kind