MEN

There was a funny atmosphere in those early days at the bar. I remember going up to say hi to a guy and he turned to me and said, “Don’t waste your time I am not going to sleep with you.” Of course I turned to him and replied, “I just wanted to inform you that you had something hanging from your nose.” He nervously played with his nose as I triumphantly walked away. It was a small victory being I did want to sleep with him. So many nights back then guys would glue themselves to the wall and not move. They would stare and never talk. The bar scene was more like a hunter stalking its prey than a soul looking for its mate.
Everyone wanted a lover, but no one would talk to each other. The only way you found a lover was if you were hot, or hot in bed. I think the gay life style lost that whole dating life. Not by choice, but because society wouldn’t allow you to be a couple in public. Today we fight for gay marriage and our rights, but even if we had it would we really be equal? Would you really feel comfortable walking down the street, hand in hand, with your partner? There is a BIG responsibility that comes with equality and I am not sure the life style is set up to accept it. There is so much fighting going on within the lifestyle, how can we be expected to be seen standing together in public?
I remember going to Don’t Tell MaMa’s years ago, it’s a piano bar in Manhattan, I left the bar with this guy and we walked hand-in-hand to Times Square, it was a tender-sober- moment. We laughed as we swung our arms in the air. Times Square is empty and quiet at 3am, but still bright and the heart of NYC. We kissed in Duffy Square (the half price ticket area). It was the first time I kissed a guy in public. The fresh night time air surrounded our lips and our moist lips felt the warm night air. My insides were exploding with joy and equality. Never, did I ever think I would ever know this simple joy in life! A simple kiss that is branded into my memory in my heart, as is what happened next. A bottle scattered at our feet to snap us into reality. As the bottle broke at our feet the distance cries of “FAG” followed from a car full of Jersey straight boys. My forgotten lover just said, “I guess we shouldn’t have kissed in public.” That is the memory of my first love’s kiss, I was twenty five.
In 1998 Matthew Sheppard was beaten and killed for being gay. It was a hate crime. The Wyoming Legislature introduced a bill defining attacks motivated by victim identity as hate crimes- it failed to get passed.
At the federal level, President Clinton tried in vain to have federal hate crimes to include homosexual individuals, women, and people with disabilities. His efforts were rejected by the US House of Representatives in 1999.
In March of 2007, the Matthew Shepard Act (HR 1592) was introduced again, but President Bush indicated that he might veto the bill, so it was dropped. The Matthew Shepard Act was adopted as an amendment by a vote of 63-28 on July 15, 2009.
Twenty eight people were against it.
Virginia Foxx of North Carolina called the crime a “hoax”.
The anti-gay Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas, led by Fred Phelps, picketed Shepard’s funeral as well as the trial of his assailants, displaying signs with slogans such as “Matt Shepard rots in Hell”, “AIDS Kills Fags Dead”. Phelps attempted to gain a city permit to build a monument with a bronze plaque bearing Shepard’s picture with the words “MATTHEW SHEPARD, Entered Hell October 12, 1998, in defiance of GOD’S warning.”
Are we any closer to equality?
As I walk around the bar today I see so many faces from the past, so many studs that are still silently eyeing their prey, except they are no longer the tight skinned men that drove the awkward new comers crazy. They have sagged and have aged and have conveniently forgotten that time has marched on and they cannot afford to stay silent against the wall unless they want to stay alone forever.
So I am standing against the wall one night looking around at the ghost of the past when a guy walks up to me, he has aged and mellowed and has a twitch and he says hi and I, remembering him from long ago, repeats the words that were shot into my heart many years ago, “Don’t waste your time I am not going to sleep with you” I said smiling fondly at my long ago stud. “I have money” he says not realizing the irony of the situation.
Till Tomorrow Be Kind