snow nights

I decided not to give John the letter right away. It was coming on to the holidays and the air was festive. The first snow fall found me, Sami and Casper and a few other adventure seekers grabbing cardboard beer boxes from the dumpster and heading to the golf course to go sleigh riding in a neighboring town. Back then we thought nothing of driving in the snow and when your car slid around we went with it and laughed. We were young and dumb and didn’t know any better. One of the bartenders would always bring a few bottles of beer and we would use the snow as our cooler. A snowy night, a make shift sled and good friends was all we needed to say warm.
Looking back I wonder why I didn’t appreciate those moments, instead I thought of John. I missed John and wished he was sharing the night with me. I knew what it felt like to be lonely in the middle of a crowd. Sami and Casper would try to set me up with guys, but they paled to John. Besides John was alone and needed someone to show him the fun parts of life. He needed someone to make memories with.
My life was taking changes and they weren’t ones that I choose for myself. Peter, the muscle bartender, was taking acting classes at HB studios in NYC and talked me into wanting to be an actor. I had a stage on Tuesday night s and thought being an actor wouldn’t be a terrible thing to be. Realizing John wanted a man I got a job at Jack LaLanne’s health spa. I was going to be a trainer. After everyone stopped their laughter I explained that I could work-out for free and get muscles while I give cal classes. But with all these events going on in the day, I still lived for the night. The night and my hope of seeing Johnny was all I lived for back then. Working in the coatroom limited how much I could see him and I spend too many long nights with an annoying Guido nagging me every five minutes about how hot he was. “You want me? He would hag at me all night. He would purposely ID people just for laughs. He had his own little fan club and would have his Dewars on the rocks.
Johnny always made it a point to stop and kiss me on the cheek hello. He would nod at Lil Sal. They had known each other for a while, but were always cold to each other. Sal hated that I liked John...
Till Tomorrow, be kind