"I AM WOMAN"

The week after the fifty show, Hank planned a ‘70’s show. It seemed the shows grew bigger than just us Featherette’s and Sammy. Kenny Alton missed the ‘70’s show. It felt weird doing the show without Kenny. I was at Rodgers and it was just off, no one was sitting at the table doing their fake nails. Sammy and Dominick were doing Sonny and Cher, Casper was Kikki Dee and Kenny Poluso was Elton John, Rodger did Carol Burnett, and Hank had me doing Helen Reddy. Frumpy “Delta Dawn” and “I Am Woman” I fought with Hank and Rodger. There was no way I was going in front of an audience singing “I Am Woman!” It wasn’t until Rodger reminded me that Hank would kick me out of the bar and that I would never see Johnny Angel again that I gave in. They won, but they didn’t win fair.
Hank had gotten a bad rap with being mean to woman so he promoted me as a salute to woman everywhere. Everyone wanted to see the tribute to American Woman! Rodger tried to make me feel better by allowing me to wear this black skin tight satin dress. “Delta Dawn” had a frumpy dress and a suitcase. As we were leaving to go to the bar, Chris informed me that Johnny was going to be at the show that night! JOHNNY SEEING ME PERFORM “I AM WOMAN”! NO WAY!!
After cursing Chris out for telling me, Rodger tried to calm me down. There was no way that Johnny would date a guy who sang I am Woman! Rodger left me in the bedroom as he went to answer the phone. I saw the make-up house dress, slippers and curls from our wigs on the bed, next to my “Delta Dawn” suitcase. When Rodger came back from answering the phone they weren’t there. As we left I playfully grabbed a frying pan to hit Hank with. The show was going along nicely, Delta Dawn had me playing a spinster and seeing Johnny turning away when I entered the stage. Casper and Kenny P. performed “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” and it went well, Rodger found song Carol Burnett song, Sonny and Cher were funny. Sammy and I were in the dressing room alone when I unzipped the suitcase to take out the house dress and accessories. I had Sammy fill the balloons up with water while I explained that I just couldn’t do the number serious. Rodger was chatting away on the mike and encouraged to do an encore number- I think I was amazed that Carol Burnett had a second number. Rodger gave this wonderful tribute to woman and instructed the Dee Jay to “Start the music..” As the song started I stepped out onto the stage to a roar of laughter. There I stood lipping “I Am Woman” with my wig in curlers, a housedress and fuzzy slippers on. I had water balloon tits and a third balloon came in handy as my pregnant belly, all the while waving a frying pan. When I thought the audience was bored with the visual sight, I just popped a water balloon tit and watched the water drip down my leg, some thought I broke my water and was going to deliver my balloon on stage. The balloon actually kept shifting and I was more concern with losing it and killing the visual laugh, but after losing it the audience started a balloon wave and kept it in the air. I was feeling good and about to feel great!
Johnny actually came to tip me! I was in heaven – he was laughing so hard. I was on cloud nine! I finished the number by having my wig fly off my head –curlers and all. The number went so quickly and I noticed I had over one hundred dollars in my housedress as I took my bows to the loudest applause I had ever heard. I ran off stage seeing Rodgers angry red face following me!
“What do you think you are doing? If Hank cancels the shows because you couldn’t follow a simple direction like paying tribute to woman!” Rodger barked. Sammy cursed me out because he had to follow me with “Take Me Home” from Cher. “Even I can’t follow that number, not that I will have to worry since the person who is supposed to introduce me is back here and not out there.” We heard the audience laughing. Rodger had come back stage with the stage mike on. They heard it all. I tried to explain that I just couldn’t do the number seriously, it wouldn’t be right to woman.
Hank came back stage and congratulated me. I tried to explain why I did it, but he didn’t want to hear it. He just wanted to show off his new star.
Till tomorrow, be kind.