AIDS- Part 1

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS…Today AIDS is a part of everyone’s vocabulary and understood and real. For me it was a private hell and a public shame. I emember when it first hit the TV news it sounded like a bad joke, only infecting homosexual males and it started when a male flight attentant had sex with a monkey in Africa and carried it back to the United States. How strange.I remember how casual we were about sex before AIDS and how we had to band together.
Before AIDS, yes there was a life before AIDS, everyone was casual about sex. Was it because we wanted to be-no. It was because society did not allow us to be monogamist. See, back then coming out wasn’t that easy. Our parents grew up in a time that did not know what gay was, or how to handle it. Here were many parents who would rather have their child die of cancer than be gay. Horrible time, but I remember you didn’t want to get attached to one person. If you got attached you had to explain him to your family. Back then we all had room mates. You would have to rent a two bedroom and have a “fake” second bedroom. Feminine guys were always single because “butch” guys were to embarrassed to introduce them to their families. You really did have to love a type and not a person. So many times I was so frustrated to hear people say, “He’s not my type.” Having casual sex made all those worries non –existent, you never had to explain because you were never invested in anyone long enough to have to say anything to your family. There would be no uncomfortable conversations, until the family weddings and funerals. How many of you have the two hundred year old aunt who constantly asks, “So are you dating anyone?” Why do families put you through that! It’s like asking a kid, “Do you like school?” Imagine how wonderful life would be if we could just be allowed to be proud of who we are? I think that was John Lennon’s dream.
I remember when I tried coming out to my family. I had finally gotten the nerve to open myself up and then they ignored what I said and I was kinda back where I started. It was funny how when I came out, friends really did become family. I remember once my mother said to me, “I hope you have good friends to talk to because I don’t think I understand being gay.” It was such an honest moment and it was ok. I always loved my mother’s honesty and it gave me permission to become close to my friends and see them as my “gay” family. I also remember when AIDS had come out and was on the TV. I found my mother in the backyard knitting she had tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong. She answered that she didn’t want me to die. She went on to explain how she was hearing how everyone was getting AIDS and dying. I giggled a little and told her not to worry that I was very careful. I also informed her that as attractive as she thought I was in the “gay” world I wasn’t that attractive. Well, she dried her tears and went back to knitting and proclaimed, “Then being gay must be a mental disease if they can’t see how handsome my son is.” Now I will never make this personal again- I just wanted to allow you to understand what we were all going through.
My “gay” family began with Kenny, but when Kenny settled down with Ed I was all alone in the strange new bar world- talk about over-whelming! I remember after I broke up with Bill I followed him as he stormed out of the bar. He flew off without me. I think I was more upset that he was my ride home and I was stranded there. As I sat on the front stairs of the bar, pondering my decisions, “why didn’t I wait to break up with him after he gave me a ride home?” a black chick ran out of the bar and towards me and threw up on the sidewalk in front of me. I looked at the puke that was an inch from my sneaker and asked, “Where did you get the Chinese food from?” “Oh, darling I am so sorry! I just can’t hold my liquor.” The black chick ended up being a young guy from Trinidad named Terry, Terry St. Clare. Terry told me that he was thrown out from his parent’s home for being gay, he was hooking up with an ugly guy because he needed a place to stay for the night. He figured if he drank the guy wouldn’t look so ugly, it wasn’t working he informed me. He asked my story and I told him about Bill and the break up. “Oh, darling you should never lose sleep because of a guy. Look at those ugly bags under your eyes.” I informed him those ugly bags are genetic. We laughed.
Enter Steven and Michael, very queenie guys, but Terry and I found out they had a car! Neither Terry, nor I drove at the time. The things we used to do for a ride. They wanted to up to Reflections and Candle Light-two neighboring clubs at the time. They were fun places and AJ, who would later work at Feathers, was the HOT DJ at Reflections. Candle Light was boring, but had Jimmy, the hot bartender. We ended the night back at Feathers. Terry pretended that his date left without him and got Steven to invite him back home with him, they dropped me off at my home. As I laid in bed that night little did I know that I had just bought a ticket for the ride of my life that would last a very long part of my life.
Till Tomorrow, Be Kind.