turning fifty!

So I turned an uneventful fifty and I stopped to think what was it all for? Bar life is a lonely life...You are only as popular as you night club. The minute the dance floor lights go on, the people go out and you are by yourself. Oh you may go to a diner and be the life of the party; you might even pick up the tab to show your appreciation. You may have a lover to go home to, but he will never be enough to take the place of the attention and money the bar brings. The money, oh what we do for a dollar. Sometimes it's not even that you want the dollar, you just want to make sure no other bartender gets it. You kiss major ass to keep all the customers at your bar! You do not want them tipping another bartender. You don't create friendships with your co-workers; you live the motto of keeping your enemies closer. The bar life created the expression "Kiss on the cheek, knife in the back." It's a lonely life and one that you don't realize is lonely until you leave.
When I was living the life I thought I had the glamorously life, week-ends with co-workers, and invites to all the parties. I got to have an attitude to people and walked into places expecting to be treated special. I left the bar two years ago and found a life and now as I look back I wish I could warm every one of the dangers, but no one will listen. I didn’t.
I stopped blogging because it was really hard to blog every one as nice sweet hearts when in reality we weren’t sweet. We were selfish little shits that thought the world owed us something. We were jealous of people with cancer because they made more tips than we did. We spilled secrets and made up lies to keep people away from others so that we made money. We bought each other presents and cursed out having to do it- “Merry Christmas shit head”.
I turned fifty and saw the light...I was reformed, but not reborn...I remember it all and the scars are reopened as I write these words. The new blood follows the flow of the old and stings just as the original cut.