When Kenny Alton picked me up that Sunday morning neither one of us was sure what to expect. We got to Rodgers apartment and he had a breakfast spread for us to eat! Maybe drag wasn’t so bad. Being it was Sunday places didn’t open until after noon back then so we sat and chatted. Rodger told was he was married at one time and had a son. I nearly choked on my bagel when I heard that! Rodger was the most fem guy I had ever met. “How did it happen?” I asked a little curiously. Rodger acted like he didn’t know why I would be shocked that he was married with a son, Tyson. He told us how Tyson comes to visit in the summer. This was all new and a little too much for me to comprehend. “What do you do with all the gay pictures and drag stuff?”
Rodgers apartment was very “gay friendly” with men kissing art work and “Wizard of Oz” memorabilia, he also had a full walk in closet one side was men’s clothes and the other side was woman.
“I’m very honest with Tyson and I explain things to him.” Rodger stated without an apology. I think that is when I really bonded with Rodger. I had never met anyone who just accepted the lifestyle. Some people fought for the lifestyle, others hid from the lifestyle but no one had just let it be. Some always apologized, like being gay was wrong and you had to say “I’m sorry” just for being. The butchest guys were never man enough to be themselves. I admired Rodger for being himself and living life. Rodger would look at people as if there was something wrong with them for not being accepting. Rodger never showed any fear. I was always afraid; afraid of being gay, afraid of being alone, afraid of being found out.
He would always say “I’m too old to be someone else.” And he was old! He had turned 40 when we met and he was the oldest friend I had made! Norman, who dated the old men and gave them, ex-lax to keep them from going too far, was in his thirties. I remember my mom asking why old men were calling me, my poor mom. Wait until you hear what happens after we actually set the show…
Rodger took to me and Kenny Alton and led us to the living room to listen to some of the Andrews Sister’s songs and choose one to do for the show. “I don’t want to choose a song that will make you feel uncomfortable.” Alton and I giggled, we didn’t care what song we sang- hell we weren’t even singing-it was a record!
Records back in those days we didn’t have i-pods, or CD’s we have 45 records and LP’s. The problem with records and albums were that they skipped. So we would record the song a cassette tapes and rehearse with them and save the LP for performance night.
When he started playing the songs I could not stop laughing. They were the most ridiculous songs I had ever heard! “Boogie, Woogie Bugle Boy”,” Bei Mir Bistu Shein”, “Beer Barrel Polka” were just a few of the gems Rodger played. We listened and choose “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” being it was a third of July show. “We also need an encore song” Rodger informed us. “Encore? We’ll be lucky to survive one song!” Alton giggled. The encore would be “Bei Mir Bistu Shein….and familiarize yourself with the polka song –just in case.”
Next was wardrobe. As I had mentioned half of Rodgers closet was woman’s clothes. I had never seen anything like this! I have three sisters and none of them ever wore clothes like Rodger had in his closet. Rodger threw out-fit after outfit on the bed trying to find three matching out-fits befitting the Andrew Sisters. After an hour he decided we had to go out and look in stores. Kenny Alton and I flipped! We could not go in public and look for girls clothes! No matter what Rodger said we were adamant that we were not trying on girls clothes in public! Rodgers solution was that he would make the outfits we just had to go to a flea market and get accessories. We agreed on that.
Rodger bought six yards of the ugliest red, white and blue material I had ever seen! Kenny Alton was great at comments under his breath and used to keep me laughing…actually he always got me in trouble with his comments. When I tried to whisper back a comment everyone always heard them and I got in trouble! Rodger decided that we should each accessory in a color and have hair nets, bracelets, pearls in that color; I was blue, Alton was Red and Rodger was white.
Shopping was done and we went home to put things together, but not before Kenny Alton stopped to admire a package of fake nails. He bought them and fell in love with those damn nails! I hated the glue and the mess and, well….
Till tomorrow, Be Kind…
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Featherette 2
Rodger was fighting for a solo show, Kenny Alton and I were all for it. “You can’t carry a show by yourself. Either it’s the three of you or no show.” Hank barked at Rodger. All of a sudden Rodger got this Henry Higgins from “My Fair Lady” spirit in him and looked us over like we were sides of beef. “You’ll have to shave” Rodger told Kenny Alton. “I can’t shave! My boyfriend loves the mustache.” Hank told Rodger it would be funny if he did the show with a mustache. “What show?” I chimed in. hank wanted us to perform, but we never performed. Kenny and I had no desire to be on stage, much less be on stage in a dress! I told Hank the woman in my family weren’t pretty hoping this would dissuade us from having to do this. He wasn’t having any of it. Hank took Rodger to the office to discuss the details and Kenny Alton and I went to Sammy’s bar, the big bar downstairs, to drink our problem away.
Wrong person to drown your troubles with before Kenny Alton and I could get our shots half the bar knew of our dilemma. Kenny Casper came over to congratulate us, on what? The ruins of our reputation! “You reputation could use a little scandal lil Miss Sunshine.” Sammy snickered at me. Kenny Casper wanted to know what songs we were doing. Kenny Alton and I just looked at each other. We had no idea what we were doing, or even if we were doing it. “Well, Mary find out! No one wants to watch a queen who doesn’t know the words to their song.” “We’re not queens; we are men being forced to do something we don’t want to do.” Kenny Alton snapped back at Kenny Casper. “That’s it I am not doing this.” I was determined to tell Hank off and get control of my life again! Until Sammy reminded me that the last person to say no to Hank got 86’ed. “Say good-bye to Johnny Angel now.”
Good-bye to Johnny Angel, how could I do that? I actually never got to say hello yet, never mind good-bye. Why does life have to be so complicated!
Kenny Alton and I went through the pros and cons. One pro was making Hank happy and free drinks, con was our reputations. Pro -no one knew who we were so we really didn’t have a reputation, con – people looked down at guys who wore dresses. Pro- Free drinks, con- we were men in dresses. After finishing our shots Hank came over to the bar with Rodger. “We’re going to have a patriotic theme night” hank informed us. “I have a large selection of the Andrew Sister’s songs at my place.” Rodger added. “Who are the Andrew Sisters?” Kenny and I wondered. “I have a thousand of their songs running through my head. I have to go home and put some songs together for us to learn.” Rodger stated as he started to exit. “God Bless America! ”sarcastic Sammy snorted. ““That gives me an idea” Hank was on a roll and added Sammy into the show as Kate Smith singing “God Bless America”.
Before Rodger left he gave Kenny Alton and me his phone number. “We can get together tomorrow and put together the show at my place. I’ll make lunch for us. We can also try on some outfits to wear. We might have to go to some drag shopping.” Drag shopping-my vocabulary was about to change and expand and I am not sure it was for the better.
Sammy, Kenny Casper, Rodger, Kenny Alton and I were all together and that image is frozen in my mind. The five of us had just paid the price for the ride of our lives.
Till Tomorrow Be Kind.
Wrong person to drown your troubles with before Kenny Alton and I could get our shots half the bar knew of our dilemma. Kenny Casper came over to congratulate us, on what? The ruins of our reputation! “You reputation could use a little scandal lil Miss Sunshine.” Sammy snickered at me. Kenny Casper wanted to know what songs we were doing. Kenny Alton and I just looked at each other. We had no idea what we were doing, or even if we were doing it. “Well, Mary find out! No one wants to watch a queen who doesn’t know the words to their song.” “We’re not queens; we are men being forced to do something we don’t want to do.” Kenny Alton snapped back at Kenny Casper. “That’s it I am not doing this.” I was determined to tell Hank off and get control of my life again! Until Sammy reminded me that the last person to say no to Hank got 86’ed. “Say good-bye to Johnny Angel now.”
Good-bye to Johnny Angel, how could I do that? I actually never got to say hello yet, never mind good-bye. Why does life have to be so complicated!
Kenny Alton and I went through the pros and cons. One pro was making Hank happy and free drinks, con was our reputations. Pro -no one knew who we were so we really didn’t have a reputation, con – people looked down at guys who wore dresses. Pro- Free drinks, con- we were men in dresses. After finishing our shots Hank came over to the bar with Rodger. “We’re going to have a patriotic theme night” hank informed us. “I have a large selection of the Andrew Sister’s songs at my place.” Rodger added. “Who are the Andrew Sisters?” Kenny and I wondered. “I have a thousand of their songs running through my head. I have to go home and put some songs together for us to learn.” Rodger stated as he started to exit. “God Bless America! ”sarcastic Sammy snorted. ““That gives me an idea” Hank was on a roll and added Sammy into the show as Kate Smith singing “God Bless America”.
Before Rodger left he gave Kenny Alton and me his phone number. “We can get together tomorrow and put together the show at my place. I’ll make lunch for us. We can also try on some outfits to wear. We might have to go to some drag shopping.” Drag shopping-my vocabulary was about to change and expand and I am not sure it was for the better.
Sammy, Kenny Casper, Rodger, Kenny Alton and I were all together and that image is frozen in my mind. The five of us had just paid the price for the ride of our lives.
Till Tomorrow Be Kind.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Featherette's
The Featherette’s
While I was sleeping on dryers down the shore swearing there was a future for me, Hank was putting together a Chinese night at the bar. Randy the Star Dee-Jay, at the time, was dying to perform in drag as a Chinese girl. Hank wasn’t sure it would go over so he had two other drag performers placed in the audience. Now a key note here, Hank hated guys who dressed in woman’s clothes. He never allowed transvestites in the bar. He wanted Feathers to be a man’s bar and had no time for freaks that would bring Feathers reputation down. .. His views, not mine. Anyway, Hank had these two club performers Rodger and Gary come as Ma-ma and Eunice Characters from “The Carol Burnett Show”. The two of them were “B” performers and were regulars in other clubs, but never had the chance to break onto the Feathers stage. The opportunity Hank gave them that night was like getting the golden ticket to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, and they knew it. So while Randy Lu performed his Chinese act it was interrupted by Ma-ma and Eunice. From what I hear they stole the show and Hank’s little show biz brain started to turn.
Rodger was a performer who lived for an audience. He was a hair dresser who had a voice like a cartoon character, very high and nasal…I should talk about voices…Anyway; Feathers had a policy of only allowing their performers to perform in the club. The shows were exclusive and the performers could only perform at Feathers in Jersey. I think Kevin performed in others, but he was the exception.
Gary Dee, who performed Ma-Ma to Rodgers Eunice, was a Joan Rivers impersonator and a Bette Midler. He was too close to Jimmy Lane so Hank kept Gary away from his stage. Gary, meanwhile, performed successfully at the other clubs in the area. Rodger and Gary were room-mates, then when Gary moved out Chris, John’s Best Friend, moved in with Rodger. Obviously I had to become friends with Rodger so I could visit and see Chris and have Chris invite Johnny over so that Johnny could see me out-side the bar and fall in love. Oh, I used to get so exhausted thinking back in those days. I always forgot to get depressed because I was always thinking of the next plan to trap Johnny.
I found this all out from Gerry who used to collect the money at the door, remember I stamped hands. We laughed at Randy in drag and could not believe he would risk his reputation. Back then if you dressed as a girl you were looked down on and you knew it. No one wanted to know guys who wore dresses.
All the drag queens had the same stories for being alone. They were too busy to have a boyfriend, they liked being alone, they haven’t met the right person. I felt bad for them, they were confused and lonely. I didn’t understand them, and they weren’t a part of my life. John-Johnny was and that was the best part of my night. I had to meet this Rodger person.
Kenny Alton was the waiter that Saturday night and we were doing our shot for shot. Rodger had come in and asked to see Hank. Kenny Alton went to get him. Gerry introduced me to Rodger and my mind went to work. I was charming and told Rodger how I heard he was a hit and congrats! “It must be wonderful to be a star!” I ended our conversation as Hank had come to talk to Rodger. It seems Hank had approached Rodger about doing a third of July show. It was a special Tuesday and Jimmy Lane was going to be out of town. Rodger was explaining to Hank how Gary was not available to co-star with him in the show and everyone he knew was booked. I went to excuse myself so I could do shots with Kenny Alton. I didn’t get very far before Hank grabbed me and told Rodger that I could co-star with him. ME!!!!
Kenny Alton spit his shot laughing when I grabbed him and said I could never do it with out him.
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
And try forgetting to be depressed
While I was sleeping on dryers down the shore swearing there was a future for me, Hank was putting together a Chinese night at the bar. Randy the Star Dee-Jay, at the time, was dying to perform in drag as a Chinese girl. Hank wasn’t sure it would go over so he had two other drag performers placed in the audience. Now a key note here, Hank hated guys who dressed in woman’s clothes. He never allowed transvestites in the bar. He wanted Feathers to be a man’s bar and had no time for freaks that would bring Feathers reputation down. .. His views, not mine. Anyway, Hank had these two club performers Rodger and Gary come as Ma-ma and Eunice Characters from “The Carol Burnett Show”. The two of them were “B” performers and were regulars in other clubs, but never had the chance to break onto the Feathers stage. The opportunity Hank gave them that night was like getting the golden ticket to Willie Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, and they knew it. So while Randy Lu performed his Chinese act it was interrupted by Ma-ma and Eunice. From what I hear they stole the show and Hank’s little show biz brain started to turn.
Rodger was a performer who lived for an audience. He was a hair dresser who had a voice like a cartoon character, very high and nasal…I should talk about voices…Anyway; Feathers had a policy of only allowing their performers to perform in the club. The shows were exclusive and the performers could only perform at Feathers in Jersey. I think Kevin performed in others, but he was the exception.
Gary Dee, who performed Ma-Ma to Rodgers Eunice, was a Joan Rivers impersonator and a Bette Midler. He was too close to Jimmy Lane so Hank kept Gary away from his stage. Gary, meanwhile, performed successfully at the other clubs in the area. Rodger and Gary were room-mates, then when Gary moved out Chris, John’s Best Friend, moved in with Rodger. Obviously I had to become friends with Rodger so I could visit and see Chris and have Chris invite Johnny over so that Johnny could see me out-side the bar and fall in love. Oh, I used to get so exhausted thinking back in those days. I always forgot to get depressed because I was always thinking of the next plan to trap Johnny.
I found this all out from Gerry who used to collect the money at the door, remember I stamped hands. We laughed at Randy in drag and could not believe he would risk his reputation. Back then if you dressed as a girl you were looked down on and you knew it. No one wanted to know guys who wore dresses.
All the drag queens had the same stories for being alone. They were too busy to have a boyfriend, they liked being alone, they haven’t met the right person. I felt bad for them, they were confused and lonely. I didn’t understand them, and they weren’t a part of my life. John-Johnny was and that was the best part of my night. I had to meet this Rodger person.
Kenny Alton was the waiter that Saturday night and we were doing our shot for shot. Rodger had come in and asked to see Hank. Kenny Alton went to get him. Gerry introduced me to Rodger and my mind went to work. I was charming and told Rodger how I heard he was a hit and congrats! “It must be wonderful to be a star!” I ended our conversation as Hank had come to talk to Rodger. It seems Hank had approached Rodger about doing a third of July show. It was a special Tuesday and Jimmy Lane was going to be out of town. Rodger was explaining to Hank how Gary was not available to co-star with him in the show and everyone he knew was booked. I went to excuse myself so I could do shots with Kenny Alton. I didn’t get very far before Hank grabbed me and told Rodger that I could co-star with him. ME!!!!
Kenny Alton spit his shot laughing when I grabbed him and said I could never do it with out him.
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
And try forgetting to be depressed
Friday, January 29, 2010
dates 2
Randy always sat at my bar and wouldn’t leave the whole night. Even after I got off duty he would stay and watch me leave. After months of begging me to go out to dinner with him, I agreed. Should I have been surprised to find out he was four foot seven inches. I was okay with it, surprised but okay with it. When he asked the waiter for a phone book because he couldn’t reach the salt in the middle of the table, I was still okay with it. When he told me I was insensitive for ordering shrimp cocktail as an appetizer, I understood why he thought that and assured him that it was an insensitive, but unintentional action. (Not that it stopped him from eating two of the three shrimp that I received.) My breaking point came when I asked a simple question, one that everyone asks someone they are having dinner with, “What do you do for a living?”
I spit out my wine when he replied that he tested horse piss at the racetrack for drugs. “See, I stand there and wait for them to piss and stick a pole in it for samples. Sometimes it takes them a long time to piss, but I get paid by the hour. I just hate when they shit before they piss. Ever smell horse crap? I’m used to it by now, but in the beginning I would just throw up right there, on the spot.”
The glass of wine turned into a double Absolut, straight up. Needless to say, we skipped dessert and headed to the bar. Whenever I have a bad date I go to the bar and try to lose them there. For a midget he had staying power. No matter how many times I tried to lose him, he just clung to my leg and went with me. Like gum on the bottom of my shoe, he would not get off me. He was so proud to have a date with a bartender.
Of course his friends looked like a who’s who of who to avoid in a bar. The guy who only drinks tap water, the guy who never tips-but wants strong drinks! Finally I had to tell him that he was just too good for me and deserved better. He agreed!
He asked for a goodnight kiss and risking a back cramp, I gave him one. As my little date got lost in the crowd, which wasn’t hard, I realized that I got what I always wanted—a fairy tale date. I was Snow White and he was my dwarf.
Morgan took me to a Broadway opening in the rain, should I have been surprised to find that the usher was his ex? After we were seated he explained that he had “issues” he had to clear up with his ex. By intermission they were lip-locked; by the end of the play they were going to give it one more try. Morgan gave me a hug and said, “I knew you would understand…” and “could you leave me the umbrella” and I did! As I stood, drenched, on the platform of the “A” train I got the feeling that this wasn’t what love was suppose to be about.
Woody had a plastic leg and would snap it off to show people at the bar how easily it came off. Mike’s idea of foreplay was farting the Star Spangle Banner and impressed himself when he didn’t stain the sheets, Don asked if his ex could watch us have sex. Pete had four personalities and would order each of them a drink at the bar. Mark likes to jerk off in public elevators. I drop him a letter every now and then in the state jail surveillance cameras. Tommy’s good-night kiss would include me doing him a favor, buying his wife and kids Christmas presents, birthday presents and “Just because” presents. I could go on for pages, but why bother.
Why are the worst dates the most memorable?
That is when “My Johnny Angel” entered my life! Oh, the fantasy of my life! Johnny Angel was the spitting image of a young Michael Landon, my grandmother’s favorite actor. I swore she sent him to me. I became obsessed with him. Obsessed in a nice way, not the psychotic way. Although I did hand sew a sequin Christmas stocking for him. But, I never followed him or stalked him. If fact, if he was in the bathroom I would run out—usually into the door. If he spoke to me, I’d get so nervous I’d have to run into the bathroom and throw up. If he didn’t come into the bar, I’d stand around like a widow in mourning and if he did show up I’d run around avoiding him. He got the nickname “Johnny Angel” because everyone knew I liked him, except him. My love for him went on for years. It took two years, but I found my courage to let him know how I felt about him. When I told him how I felt he informed me that I was too faggy for him and that there were many people he would be impressed by, but I wasn’t one of them. So much for grandma sending me a replacement love.
When I lost my friend Kenny to AIDS I realized that I put so much energy into these men that I didn’t appreciate the shoulder he always provided for my tears. Maybe you’re not supposed to replace the love that you lose, maybe you’re suppose to learn from it. Dreaming of Johnny Angel kept me safe from sleeping around. While everyone else was sweating the results from blood tests, I had no fear because the men I wanted didn’t want me. One of the last things Kenny said to me was how lucky I was, and I was lucky. I never realized that in a “straight acting gay lifestyle”, choosing the wrong men saved my life and picking a “faggy acting” friend enhanced it.
till tomorrow...be kind
I spit out my wine when he replied that he tested horse piss at the racetrack for drugs. “See, I stand there and wait for them to piss and stick a pole in it for samples. Sometimes it takes them a long time to piss, but I get paid by the hour. I just hate when they shit before they piss. Ever smell horse crap? I’m used to it by now, but in the beginning I would just throw up right there, on the spot.”
The glass of wine turned into a double Absolut, straight up. Needless to say, we skipped dessert and headed to the bar. Whenever I have a bad date I go to the bar and try to lose them there. For a midget he had staying power. No matter how many times I tried to lose him, he just clung to my leg and went with me. Like gum on the bottom of my shoe, he would not get off me. He was so proud to have a date with a bartender.
Of course his friends looked like a who’s who of who to avoid in a bar. The guy who only drinks tap water, the guy who never tips-but wants strong drinks! Finally I had to tell him that he was just too good for me and deserved better. He agreed!
He asked for a goodnight kiss and risking a back cramp, I gave him one. As my little date got lost in the crowd, which wasn’t hard, I realized that I got what I always wanted—a fairy tale date. I was Snow White and he was my dwarf.
Morgan took me to a Broadway opening in the rain, should I have been surprised to find that the usher was his ex? After we were seated he explained that he had “issues” he had to clear up with his ex. By intermission they were lip-locked; by the end of the play they were going to give it one more try. Morgan gave me a hug and said, “I knew you would understand…” and “could you leave me the umbrella” and I did! As I stood, drenched, on the platform of the “A” train I got the feeling that this wasn’t what love was suppose to be about.
Woody had a plastic leg and would snap it off to show people at the bar how easily it came off. Mike’s idea of foreplay was farting the Star Spangle Banner and impressed himself when he didn’t stain the sheets, Don asked if his ex could watch us have sex. Pete had four personalities and would order each of them a drink at the bar. Mark likes to jerk off in public elevators. I drop him a letter every now and then in the state jail surveillance cameras. Tommy’s good-night kiss would include me doing him a favor, buying his wife and kids Christmas presents, birthday presents and “Just because” presents. I could go on for pages, but why bother.
Why are the worst dates the most memorable?
That is when “My Johnny Angel” entered my life! Oh, the fantasy of my life! Johnny Angel was the spitting image of a young Michael Landon, my grandmother’s favorite actor. I swore she sent him to me. I became obsessed with him. Obsessed in a nice way, not the psychotic way. Although I did hand sew a sequin Christmas stocking for him. But, I never followed him or stalked him. If fact, if he was in the bathroom I would run out—usually into the door. If he spoke to me, I’d get so nervous I’d have to run into the bathroom and throw up. If he didn’t come into the bar, I’d stand around like a widow in mourning and if he did show up I’d run around avoiding him. He got the nickname “Johnny Angel” because everyone knew I liked him, except him. My love for him went on for years. It took two years, but I found my courage to let him know how I felt about him. When I told him how I felt he informed me that I was too faggy for him and that there were many people he would be impressed by, but I wasn’t one of them. So much for grandma sending me a replacement love.
When I lost my friend Kenny to AIDS I realized that I put so much energy into these men that I didn’t appreciate the shoulder he always provided for my tears. Maybe you’re not supposed to replace the love that you lose, maybe you’re suppose to learn from it. Dreaming of Johnny Angel kept me safe from sleeping around. While everyone else was sweating the results from blood tests, I had no fear because the men I wanted didn’t want me. One of the last things Kenny said to me was how lucky I was, and I was lucky. I never realized that in a “straight acting gay lifestyle”, choosing the wrong men saved my life and picking a “faggy acting” friend enhanced it.
till tomorrow...be kind
Thursday, January 28, 2010
DATES PART 1
I always thought that “coming out” to my family would make being gay easier. It hasn’t. There is more “gay bashing” going on in gay bars than in the “straight streets”. Every magazine is filled with Love Wanted ads, but gay love has a catch. See, it’s not a warm heart or someone to care if you live or die that gay men are looking for, it’s “Straight acting gay man seeks same. Butch replies only.” “No fats, no fems.” A union in the gay world is found only if you are the right type.
My grandparents were married for 60 years and had the best of heaven and the worst of hell in their relationship. My parents followed their example, so naturally I thought that was my destiny. Find a guy, settle down and deal with the crap life deals you. I loved my grandmother so much and when I lost her I found myself with so much extra love that I needed to release. I realized that I had to find my soul mate to give that love to. I figured with grandma in heaven she would guide my Mr. Right to me and I would have a replacement for her love. I got a job as a bartender in a gay bar.
I started bartending and found my first “gay” relationship. This gorgeous stud was after me and I let him catch me. I got butterflies in my heart every time we were together. Those butterflies turned into bees and my heart was stung for life. He would recite how much he loved me, but every time the bar door creaked open, he would turn to see who was coming into the bar. I explained to him that I was looking for someone to settle down with and he said he wanted to settle down also. Then he said something that was branded in my mind for eternity. He said, “being faithful is a two-hour movie reality, not a real world reality. I may sleep with other guys, but I’ll always come home to you.”
Huh? I was speechless. Fred Astaire never said that to Ginger Rodgers in those romantic films that based my ideas of relationships. My grandmother used to have all these Irish one-liners, “God is nearer than the door”, “Keep your bedroom blinds up in the afternoon or they will think you’re an alley cat”. I pray to my grandmother to help me and I get her saying, “You can’t blame him if he was never taught any better.”
Sounds good to me.
So I tried to teach him better. I recited the old cliché’s “Love with your heart, not with your pants.” , “Love is a compliment, not a complication.” He learned from me and thanked me for opening his eyes.
He is now in a ten year relationship with a “straight-acting” stud and I learned my first “gay boyfriend” lesson, don’t love the looks.
So, I never judge anyone and I date people on merit and not muscles. One day, I find myself in a bar having a drink . This guy is winking at me from across the bar and I’m flattered. No one has winked at me from across the bar in a long time. I smile and go over. I hate people who stare and don’t speak. They make it seem more like a hunter seeking his prey, then a soul seeking his mate. Anyway, there I am in front of him and we’re talking and I’m telling him where I work and giggling because he’s still winking and acting nervous. I tell him to relax; “you had me on the first wink.” He informs me that he isn’t winking, he suffers from turrets syndrome. He continues to inform me that he hasn’t worked in a while and has no money, but likes to smoke pot and asks me if I have any.
And on that happy note I will end part one, part two gets better...
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
My grandparents were married for 60 years and had the best of heaven and the worst of hell in their relationship. My parents followed their example, so naturally I thought that was my destiny. Find a guy, settle down and deal with the crap life deals you. I loved my grandmother so much and when I lost her I found myself with so much extra love that I needed to release. I realized that I had to find my soul mate to give that love to. I figured with grandma in heaven she would guide my Mr. Right to me and I would have a replacement for her love. I got a job as a bartender in a gay bar.
I started bartending and found my first “gay” relationship. This gorgeous stud was after me and I let him catch me. I got butterflies in my heart every time we were together. Those butterflies turned into bees and my heart was stung for life. He would recite how much he loved me, but every time the bar door creaked open, he would turn to see who was coming into the bar. I explained to him that I was looking for someone to settle down with and he said he wanted to settle down also. Then he said something that was branded in my mind for eternity. He said, “being faithful is a two-hour movie reality, not a real world reality. I may sleep with other guys, but I’ll always come home to you.”
Huh? I was speechless. Fred Astaire never said that to Ginger Rodgers in those romantic films that based my ideas of relationships. My grandmother used to have all these Irish one-liners, “God is nearer than the door”, “Keep your bedroom blinds up in the afternoon or they will think you’re an alley cat”. I pray to my grandmother to help me and I get her saying, “You can’t blame him if he was never taught any better.”
Sounds good to me.
So I tried to teach him better. I recited the old cliché’s “Love with your heart, not with your pants.” , “Love is a compliment, not a complication.” He learned from me and thanked me for opening his eyes.
He is now in a ten year relationship with a “straight-acting” stud and I learned my first “gay boyfriend” lesson, don’t love the looks.
So, I never judge anyone and I date people on merit and not muscles. One day, I find myself in a bar having a drink . This guy is winking at me from across the bar and I’m flattered. No one has winked at me from across the bar in a long time. I smile and go over. I hate people who stare and don’t speak. They make it seem more like a hunter seeking his prey, then a soul seeking his mate. Anyway, there I am in front of him and we’re talking and I’m telling him where I work and giggling because he’s still winking and acting nervous. I tell him to relax; “you had me on the first wink.” He informs me that he isn’t winking, he suffers from turrets syndrome. He continues to inform me that he hasn’t worked in a while and has no money, but likes to smoke pot and asks me if I have any.
And on that happy note I will end part one, part two gets better...
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
KENNY ALTON
Ok so I have been slowly trying to avoid my greatest accomplishment- the event that made me Feathers history. It involved Rodger, Kenny Alton and I. Kenny Alton, my best friend in the whole wide world! I never understood the expression about losing a part of yourself when someone dies, but when Kenny Alton died I lost a part of myself. As I have previously written we worked together in the bar. He was a waiter and I stamped hands. We would go up to the bartenders and ask them to make us their favorite shots- want to get on a bartenders good side ask them to serve you their favorite drink, unless it’s me then I’ll serve you arsenic. Needless to say by two o’clock we were crawling out of the bar. Kenny Alton always had a six pack in his car and we would just chat after the bar closed. His parents owned a business in town and didn’t want him to be gay-very Irish catholic. All he wanted was a boyfriend and a way out of the crazy bar life, it’s what we both wanted and the things we did to find it.
We were tired of the gay games and wanted to meet guys outside the bar life. We’d cruise shopping malls, movie theaters, the show tune sections in music stores; we even went to gay church to cruise the pews for cute guys. I still giggle when I think of how we would try to slip the tongue during the kiss of peace. We were determined to find Mr. Right. We joined a beauty school figuring there would be some gay guys in there. Wrong. No dates to be had. I didn’t even get a career out of it. Once I found out that you had to touch people’s dirty hair I quit the school. (I’m still paying off that loan.)
We even went to the Gay Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Obviously, we weren’t going to meet these guys in the bar if they had an alcoholic problem. Once there, they all swarmed on top of us begging us to share our problems with them. I told them Kenny was the one with the problem and I was just there for support. Kenny denied this and they eat it up! They love someone who denies being an alcoholic and they beg Kenny to get up on the forum and admit he had a problem. He told them that his only problem is listening to me. Then we did shots at the bar and realized that this was one for the memory bank.
Then there was the fat lip memory that still makes me giggle out loud! Big lips were in and I unfortunately was born with the thinnest lips God created. I swore Johnny didn’t love me because of my lips. It was at a time when everyone was getting collagen or Botox or whatever poison was available. Well I was poor and could not afford the treatment. One night Kenny points out this guy that was in a fight and got a fat lip. We both agreed he never looked sexier. So I start to beg Kenny to punch me in the mouth and give me a fat lip. He was refusing. I was pointing out that I could never afford the medical procedure to do it and Johnny will love my lips and he’ll marry me and we’ll be happy and I won’t annoy you anymore screaming “JOHNNY ANGEL”. I was so annoying, but I knew he wouldn’t do it so I turned to pick up my coat but he did do it and swung but instead of getting my lips he got my eye. SLAM! I was in pain and I looked up hoping I was mistaken and it was my lips. We ran into the bathroom and there it was a shiny black eye. There is nothing sexy about a black eye, but it was the bonding of a great friendship.
The last time I recalled that story with Kenny Alton he was in the last stages of AIDS. It had hit his nervous system and I had no idea what that meant. All I knew was that I was never going to see my best friend again. His lover-yes he had a lover at the end of his life- left me alone with Kenny in the living room. I just hugged him, my little Kenny Alton. I was always protecting him and it pissed me off that I couldn’t protect him from this disease. He couldn’t control his body and he twitched a lot. I didn’t care he was still my best friend in the whole wide world. He asked me for a cigarette with a tear in his eye. I lit one for him without thinking. I then went on to remind him about the fat lip and giggled. I noticed the cigarette wasn’t in the ashtray or his hand. I saw smoke come from his stomach. He had dropped the cigarette on his stomach, it had burned a hole in his tee shirt and burned his stomach I jumped and his lover came in and cleaned it up and Kenny Alton just sat there never flinching. He never moved. I left and I cried all the way home and it was the first time I ever cried for me. I cried because I was going to be all alone again. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t find comfort in the attic anymore.
I was losing a part of me. I had no one to share childhood stories with, no one to man hunt with, no one to give me a fat lip.
His parents took his body and wouldn’t let any gay people at the funeral.
The day of his funeral I turned on my radio and “My Boyfriend’s Back” came on the radio – that was his Featherette song.
The Featherette’s…
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
We were tired of the gay games and wanted to meet guys outside the bar life. We’d cruise shopping malls, movie theaters, the show tune sections in music stores; we even went to gay church to cruise the pews for cute guys. I still giggle when I think of how we would try to slip the tongue during the kiss of peace. We were determined to find Mr. Right. We joined a beauty school figuring there would be some gay guys in there. Wrong. No dates to be had. I didn’t even get a career out of it. Once I found out that you had to touch people’s dirty hair I quit the school. (I’m still paying off that loan.)
We even went to the Gay Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Obviously, we weren’t going to meet these guys in the bar if they had an alcoholic problem. Once there, they all swarmed on top of us begging us to share our problems with them. I told them Kenny was the one with the problem and I was just there for support. Kenny denied this and they eat it up! They love someone who denies being an alcoholic and they beg Kenny to get up on the forum and admit he had a problem. He told them that his only problem is listening to me. Then we did shots at the bar and realized that this was one for the memory bank.
Then there was the fat lip memory that still makes me giggle out loud! Big lips were in and I unfortunately was born with the thinnest lips God created. I swore Johnny didn’t love me because of my lips. It was at a time when everyone was getting collagen or Botox or whatever poison was available. Well I was poor and could not afford the treatment. One night Kenny points out this guy that was in a fight and got a fat lip. We both agreed he never looked sexier. So I start to beg Kenny to punch me in the mouth and give me a fat lip. He was refusing. I was pointing out that I could never afford the medical procedure to do it and Johnny will love my lips and he’ll marry me and we’ll be happy and I won’t annoy you anymore screaming “JOHNNY ANGEL”. I was so annoying, but I knew he wouldn’t do it so I turned to pick up my coat but he did do it and swung but instead of getting my lips he got my eye. SLAM! I was in pain and I looked up hoping I was mistaken and it was my lips. We ran into the bathroom and there it was a shiny black eye. There is nothing sexy about a black eye, but it was the bonding of a great friendship.
The last time I recalled that story with Kenny Alton he was in the last stages of AIDS. It had hit his nervous system and I had no idea what that meant. All I knew was that I was never going to see my best friend again. His lover-yes he had a lover at the end of his life- left me alone with Kenny in the living room. I just hugged him, my little Kenny Alton. I was always protecting him and it pissed me off that I couldn’t protect him from this disease. He couldn’t control his body and he twitched a lot. I didn’t care he was still my best friend in the whole wide world. He asked me for a cigarette with a tear in his eye. I lit one for him without thinking. I then went on to remind him about the fat lip and giggled. I noticed the cigarette wasn’t in the ashtray or his hand. I saw smoke come from his stomach. He had dropped the cigarette on his stomach, it had burned a hole in his tee shirt and burned his stomach I jumped and his lover came in and cleaned it up and Kenny Alton just sat there never flinching. He never moved. I left and I cried all the way home and it was the first time I ever cried for me. I cried because I was going to be all alone again. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t find comfort in the attic anymore.
I was losing a part of me. I had no one to share childhood stories with, no one to man hunt with, no one to give me a fat lip.
His parents took his body and wouldn’t let any gay people at the funeral.
The day of his funeral I turned on my radio and “My Boyfriend’s Back” came on the radio – that was his Featherette song.
The Featherette’s…
Till Tomorrow Be Kind
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
the cast starts to change
The last time I saw Lil Sal he was happy in a relationship. He had mellowed and was kind of “girlie” himself. Peter Mona I see is sky rocketing in the fashion world- didn’t see that coming- and is living a charmed life in Connecticut. They are happy and that is wonderful to hear, not that I am finished writing about either, but so many were not so fortunate to have such successful lives.
Brian P. was a built, gum chewing hottie who ended up just withering away. He was a bartender and a circuit party player. He did it all, yet managed to be kind to people. Back then pretention was everyone’s middle name and even if you didn’t have a right to be pretentious, you were- Brian had the right and he wasn’t. He was always nice to me, but had a chill about him to let me know not to get too close. He was actually Lil Sal’s best friend and they both were friends with TRIXIE.
Trixie was an old time bartender who adored getting high. If I said Trixie’s real name no one would know who it was-Brain- but everyone knew Trixie! I still get people asking how Trixie is and I tell them , last I heard Trixie was working in the basement of a church helping them in their store. Which for Trixie is a BIG switch considering he used to party in a church ( Limelight) Limelight was are furbished church that was made into a gay night club. Gay people have a way of finding irony in all situations. As you threw back the shots you would be faced with Mary holding the Christ Child, or Christ on the Cross. You could stand at the priest pulpit and view all the gays dancing when pews were once placed. It was a sight that I can look back at now and enjoy, but back then could the memory of burning in hell prevented me from enjoying those times. I believe I was there once with Dominic. He was a bar-back or waiter there and got us the VIP treatment. I got to party in the priest changing room with John Kennedy Jr. That room must have known a lot of action because I felt quite comfortable there. Lol.
Club back in those days were outrageous! My favorite was the Palladium. It was the most I ever had in a club and talk about star treatment. I was a Broadway usher for “Song and Dance” at the time and they were throwing a party for Bernadette Peters at the Palladium. I got Sammy and Casper in and we partied with Bernszee. It was a ball! All the dancers from the show showed up and there I was dancing with Broadway dancers. My favorite was Denise Faye- such a sweet heart. By the end of the night we knew everyone. That is just the way it was back then. You meet someone at one party and by year’s end you were best friends with them-just by seeing them out. The funny part of that evening was that at nights end we were leaving and who do we bump into? Trixie! “Babe, I’m everywhere.”
As I had previously stated Trixie had adopted Casper, Sammy and I as her gay daughters. “Babe, give your mother a ride him.” He would say in his Maude gravelly voice. We would and laugh the whole way home. Trixie was always in his own world when he was out and Casper was always the wrong one to put next to him. Casper would goat him on to tell the most highly imaginary stories, by the time we dropped Trixie off he was convinced he had dinner with a porn star and was being driven home in a horse drawn carriage. Trixie had been fired from Feathers, one of Hank’s Florida trip. The funny thing about Feathers was no matter how important people made you think you were there, you weren’t. After you got fired the place still did great business and the friends who swore they would never go back-went back. I don’t think I ever thought of myself as indispensable, but some did. When Brian P. was let go a lot of his stud looking customers went with him, but being they only went to his bar you didn’t notice them when they didn’t come in. The problem with that is they were eye candy and the other customers liked looking at them so when they didn’t come back, some of the customers that liked looking at them didn’t either. That is how the bar ripple effect works…
Till Tomorrow, Be Kind
Brian P. was a built, gum chewing hottie who ended up just withering away. He was a bartender and a circuit party player. He did it all, yet managed to be kind to people. Back then pretention was everyone’s middle name and even if you didn’t have a right to be pretentious, you were- Brian had the right and he wasn’t. He was always nice to me, but had a chill about him to let me know not to get too close. He was actually Lil Sal’s best friend and they both were friends with TRIXIE.
Trixie was an old time bartender who adored getting high. If I said Trixie’s real name no one would know who it was-Brain- but everyone knew Trixie! I still get people asking how Trixie is and I tell them , last I heard Trixie was working in the basement of a church helping them in their store. Which for Trixie is a BIG switch considering he used to party in a church ( Limelight) Limelight was are furbished church that was made into a gay night club. Gay people have a way of finding irony in all situations. As you threw back the shots you would be faced with Mary holding the Christ Child, or Christ on the Cross. You could stand at the priest pulpit and view all the gays dancing when pews were once placed. It was a sight that I can look back at now and enjoy, but back then could the memory of burning in hell prevented me from enjoying those times. I believe I was there once with Dominic. He was a bar-back or waiter there and got us the VIP treatment. I got to party in the priest changing room with John Kennedy Jr. That room must have known a lot of action because I felt quite comfortable there. Lol.
Club back in those days were outrageous! My favorite was the Palladium. It was the most I ever had in a club and talk about star treatment. I was a Broadway usher for “Song and Dance” at the time and they were throwing a party for Bernadette Peters at the Palladium. I got Sammy and Casper in and we partied with Bernszee. It was a ball! All the dancers from the show showed up and there I was dancing with Broadway dancers. My favorite was Denise Faye- such a sweet heart. By the end of the night we knew everyone. That is just the way it was back then. You meet someone at one party and by year’s end you were best friends with them-just by seeing them out. The funny part of that evening was that at nights end we were leaving and who do we bump into? Trixie! “Babe, I’m everywhere.”
As I had previously stated Trixie had adopted Casper, Sammy and I as her gay daughters. “Babe, give your mother a ride him.” He would say in his Maude gravelly voice. We would and laugh the whole way home. Trixie was always in his own world when he was out and Casper was always the wrong one to put next to him. Casper would goat him on to tell the most highly imaginary stories, by the time we dropped Trixie off he was convinced he had dinner with a porn star and was being driven home in a horse drawn carriage. Trixie had been fired from Feathers, one of Hank’s Florida trip. The funny thing about Feathers was no matter how important people made you think you were there, you weren’t. After you got fired the place still did great business and the friends who swore they would never go back-went back. I don’t think I ever thought of myself as indispensable, but some did. When Brian P. was let go a lot of his stud looking customers went with him, but being they only went to his bar you didn’t notice them when they didn’t come in. The problem with that is they were eye candy and the other customers liked looking at them so when they didn’t come back, some of the customers that liked looking at them didn’t either. That is how the bar ripple effect works…
Till Tomorrow, Be Kind
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