fired the first time

John was getting comfortable chatting with me and we spoke about holidays and traditions. I found out that John never had a Christmas Stocking! I was shocked-how could you not have a Christmas Stocking! The next day I went out and bought a kit and hand sewed a sequin Christmas Socking with his name on it- 2,000 sequins. My eyes were blinded!
Hank had given up on decorating the bar for the holidays after the aluminum foil fiasco and Eddie, Hank best friend there, was the obvious choice to do the job. Eddie had, and still does, a traditional sense to his decorating. Eddie gave Feather’s its homey feeling, before Eddie’s touch the bar was just a bar. Eddie decorated like he was decorating his own house. Green garland with clusters of ornaments and twinkling lights, there was a romance in the air.
Aside from the employee holiday party and the gift given, we would get bags of gifts from not only the customers, but each other, we went out together. Groups of us would go to dinner, the movies, into the city. It was three days before Christmas and I was just getting ready to go out with Marty, Dominick, Casper, Sami and Tony when I got a phone call from Hank. He fired me. “Someone saw you take money from the tip bowl and none of the other employee’s like you so you shouldn’t come into the club.” WHAT! When the group got to my house I asked them about what Hank said and we got a good laugh over it. We went into the city and took a carriage ride down 5th Avenue to see the tree lighting. It was a light snow and the smell of Christmas trees on the street corners filled the air. As we got closer to the Rockefeller Center Tree we could smell the chestnuts roasting on an open fire. We got out of our carriage and went into the ice skating rink restaurant and ordered Hot Chocolate and watched the skaters.
Okay, so we went into the corner gay bar and ordered beers and shots and cruised the skaters for hotties. We were laughing and having a great time. Everyone was buying me drinks because I was unemployed. It was funny back then the staff did not hang out with management. Today everyone hangs together, back then there was definitely a line that was drawn. Eddie and Peter were the only ones connected with Hank and Oe, to the rest of us they were just bosses. The laughed continued until Casper mentioned that I would not see John for the Holidays. My night ended. No John, I could deal with anything but not that.
The next night I took the high road and went into the bar and gave Hank the gift I had made for him, it was a photo book of all the shows… I mushed it up a little by adding words to make him feel guilty. It worked; he invited me into the bar for drinks and rehired me out of the goodness of his heart.
The real story was that no one would work in the coatroom. I found out that he let me go because he was interested in a guy and the guy wanted to work in the coatroom. The guy ran when he found out that you couldn’t keep your tips. No matter how hot Hank thought a guy was he would never give up his tip money.
I didn’t care I had my john back in my life and I was able to give him his Christmas Gift.
I gave John his gift on Christmas Eve. He was touched and I could tell I made a dent in a heart that had been harden over the years. Casper had told me that John told him I was a special person. It was time to give him the letter…
Till tomorrow, be kind

snow nights

I decided not to give John the letter right away. It was coming on to the holidays and the air was festive. The first snow fall found me, Sami and Casper and a few other adventure seekers grabbing cardboard beer boxes from the dumpster and heading to the golf course to go sleigh riding in a neighboring town. Back then we thought nothing of driving in the snow and when your car slid around we went with it and laughed. We were young and dumb and didn’t know any better. One of the bartenders would always bring a few bottles of beer and we would use the snow as our cooler. A snowy night, a make shift sled and good friends was all we needed to say warm.
Looking back I wonder why I didn’t appreciate those moments, instead I thought of John. I missed John and wished he was sharing the night with me. I knew what it felt like to be lonely in the middle of a crowd. Sami and Casper would try to set me up with guys, but they paled to John. Besides John was alone and needed someone to show him the fun parts of life. He needed someone to make memories with.
My life was taking changes and they weren’t ones that I choose for myself. Peter, the muscle bartender, was taking acting classes at HB studios in NYC and talked me into wanting to be an actor. I had a stage on Tuesday night s and thought being an actor wouldn’t be a terrible thing to be. Realizing John wanted a man I got a job at Jack LaLanne’s health spa. I was going to be a trainer. After everyone stopped their laughter I explained that I could work-out for free and get muscles while I give cal classes. But with all these events going on in the day, I still lived for the night. The night and my hope of seeing Johnny was all I lived for back then. Working in the coatroom limited how much I could see him and I spend too many long nights with an annoying Guido nagging me every five minutes about how hot he was. “You want me? He would hag at me all night. He would purposely ID people just for laughs. He had his own little fan club and would have his Dewars on the rocks.
Johnny always made it a point to stop and kiss me on the cheek hello. He would nod at Lil Sal. They had known each other for a while, but were always cold to each other. Sal hated that I liked John...
Till Tomorrow, be kind

the letter part 2

The Letter. I poured all my feeling out into a letter! OH MY GOD! I was so dramatic; I told John how his presence made my existence worth wild. How lonely I was on nights when he was not at the bar. How I would camp out at a gym if that meant he would love me. I ended it with, “Even if the whole world looked down on you in shame, I would always look up to you with respect because you will always be my Johnny Angel!” I was such a poet back then. The letter came so easy to write I just spilled out all the emotions and feelings that I had bottled up for him. It was getting near Thanksgiving and Hank had given me a job in the coatroom. It was $35.00 a night and he got to keep the tips. He told me the reason I did not get to keep the tips was because the bar needed the tip money to light the parking lot lights- sounded right to me. I got free drinks, admission, and $35.00, plus I was becoming a bar star. The problem with the job was working close to Little Sal! I have written about him, but when I first met him he rubbed me the wrong way! Mr. Macho all the way. He had the “I’m too straight to talk to you” attitude. Whenever my friends would come to chat at the coatroom doorway with me he would chase them away. “No Queenie talk! Go away.” And they would run from him. He was this little muscle peanut, but they feared him. I went one-on-one with him. I was NOT attracted to him! When I wrote the letter to John he warned me not to give it to him. He had known John and told me John was into men not drag queens. I informed him I was not a drag queen but a performer. “Do you wear dresses?” “Yes” “Then you’re a drag queen. End of story.”
Even as I write about him now I get that “wanna punch him in the face” feeling, he was so memorable. Till Tomorrow be kind

The Letter

The next week I was standing alone in the dressing room. I was all alone. Terry came barging in and dropped his three suitcases of drag crap. “Are you in here for a reason?” Terry asked me. “I am doing a show.” I answered. “Why? Why are you here? Why don’t you just go with your has-beens, Darling.”
“Listen up Darling, I am here and whether you like it or not I am staying. Maybe if you had enough talent to carry a show I wouldn’t have to be here.” Terry stormed out to get a drink and I hated that he made me so angry. I was determined that I was going to get the Featherette’s together again and I was not going to allow him to stop me.
Casper and Sami showed up and tossed Terry’s stuff out the side door. I giggled as Terry yelled at them, they just laughed in Terry’s face and took control of the place. Terry was smoking mad and you could see revenge in his eyes. He took himself to the kitchen to get ready for the show.
By the time the show started he was slurring his words and had his wig on backwards. No one had the patience’s for his childish attempts for attention. We did the show and I was the show stopper- I did a number called “Bobby’s Girl” dressed in a cheerleaders outfit. Last minute fear of bombing found me doing cartwheels and flips on the dance floor. I ended with a split and I think I can still feel the muscle strain today.
There is a truth about a performer getting strength and energy on stage. I used to go out on stage and never knew what was going to happen until it happened. I always remembered Peter’s blood dripping down his face as I clung onto his hair during our number and “16 Going on 17” number and kept going. This night I was flopping and I had to be good, I just kept thinking of Rodger and Alton.
For my finale I jumped on the skid row bar (Little bar upstairs on the dance floor) and did a flip off the bar and onto the center of the stage-the place went wild and I thanked God I was still alive. Afterwards one of the bartenders named Bobby thanked me for doing a song for him. He was cute so I went along with him- actually Hank had picked the song. I still wanted Johnny and was more determined than ever to win him. Casper had told me, “Girl If you are afraid to talk to him, just write him a letter.”
That night I went home and wrote THE LETTER…
Till Tomorrow, Be Kind

The halloween show

That Halloween I was the sexy bride of Frankenstein…Hank decided to do a thriller Halloween. I was to perform “I live among the Creatures of the Night”, Alton was dressed as a damsel in distress performing “Holding out for a Hero” Casper was performing “Let’s hear it for the Boy” as a cheer leader and Sammy, who changed his name to Sami, “I’m a Brass Band” as a marching majorette twirling a baton. Terry did Michael Jackson’s Thriller protesting all the way. “If I didn’t look so good as Michael Jackson I would be embarrassed performing as a boy…Why am I telling you, you’re never embarrassed.” Terry directed his remarks to Alton. “Terry I know I am not a good performer, but I AM PRETTY IN DRAG! “ Alton snapped back at Terry. The dressing room stood silent. None of us ever had seen Alton lose his cool. I pulled him out the side door.
“Don’t let that poor man’s sex change get to you.” I said comforting Alton as we lit our cigarettes. “ It’s not Terry, It’s just not the same without Rodger.” I knew what he was saying and he was right. We weren’t into this stuff, we were into the friendship that happened. The we heard the beep of a car horn and turned to see Carol Burnett driving an open top jeep. “RODGER!!!” we both laughed and ran to the parking lot to see him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I landed in his front seat. “I was at home feeling sorry for myself and decided to dress up and crash the parking lot.” We laughed as Rodger drove us around. We laughed as we fooled around teasing the parking lot men. It’s not every night you meet Carol Burnett, The Bride of Frankenstein and a damsel in distress in the parking lot of Feathers.
We were telling Rodger how much we missed him when we heard Terry screaming outside the side door for us to come in for the show. We kissed Rodger good-bye and went inside. The bar never looked as dark as it did that moment we entered the dressing room. One minute we were laughing with the full burst of joy that laughter is supposed to evoke and the next we are carrying the chains of hell as we prepared to perform for the people who just wanted to make fun of us.
The thing about performing in a gay bar is you know people aren’t there to throw roses, more like daggers. No one tells you how great you were, just how your make up looked scary or your heels didn’t match your dress.
Alton was nervous about his song. He wasn’t feeling it. I told him to leave it to me…I tied his arms behind him and attached the rope to the shelf behind the stage curtain…”They won’t expect you to move and dance because you’re tied up.” He was a hit, but depressed after the show.
“I think I am going to talk to Hank about leaving the shows…I met a guy and he’s not into drag queens.” Alton confided in me. “When did you meet this guy? And why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded to know. “I met him about a month ago…I tried telling you, but you get so caught up in these shows. “ “Alton I have to get Rodger back?” “Well when you do then I’ll return. I love you Eddy”
Alton left the shows that night and Hank banished him from our memory. I had to hold on to pictures and my determination to get us back on the stage. They were my friends and I had to make it right. I had to!
Till tomorrow, be kind