The mood

I think what I always have liked about FEATHERS is that it’s the home of “…happily ever after.”
In the early days when ever I went to the bar I would be able to forget my troubles and just live a second life (this was before cyber lives like Farmville and such). The second life was never connected to the first life. Confused? I was at the time. As much as I was a bar star when I woke up in the morning I was just a nobody living for the bar fame.
I don’t mean nobody in a negative way, it was just such a high place that we were on at the bar. No one could touch and everyone wanted to be us. We would walk through the bar and the customers would part and make way for us to go by. Everyone knew us. Hank was cool in one way. He would not let us be photographed or advertize in the magazines. “They know we’re here, why waste the money advertizing?” Hank would remark. At the time I didn’t agree, but people came. We were known for our Monday Dollar Nights, and our exclusive performers and shows. It was the Golden Era of the bar and I don’t say it to down play its popularity today, it’s just missing the people who like the place. I cannot remember ever complaining about the place. I don’t remember customers complaining about the place. Today everyone wants someone from the place not realizing the place is just a place and it’s the people that make it what it is…
Till tomorrow, be kind
I am writing short paragraphs because I am in the middle of midterms and school work. I will return to full stories soon.

coatroom

Other unsung heroes in the bar are the coatroom people. The coatroom was the first legitimate job I had in the bar. I didn’t get to keep the tips-they went to pay for the lights in the parking lot. I would feel like an idiot if it wasn’t for the fact others believed him also. There was Glenn (Miller). I love Glenn dearly but imagine your parents call you Glenn miller? There was frank Moo-cow and Glenn the cleaning guy! OMG! the cleaning guy with the gross dog who lived in the house next door that was so broken down years ago. I once got so drunk I ended up staying at that house once. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and this smelly homeless looking guy was in the hallway. I asked Glen the next day who the guy was? “Oh, he’s a homeless guy who used to sleep in the basement and now sleeps in the hallway. “ It always amazed me what I got used to in the bar business. Imagine letting someone sleep in your upstairs hallway. The things we got used to still amaze me. Besides the sexual innuendoes, there were the sex changes and the transies.
The thing that surprises me is the fact that nothing surprises me. You become numb and I hated becoming numb.
Today you can find Inny’s Ohn or Darryl or AJ or a few others. Many things have changed over the years, including the look of the coatroom. I had wire hangers and a silver duct tape box, anyone who worked the coatroom in it’s hay day remembers the silver duct tape box.

door people

An important job that always seems to be ignored is working the door. Gerry was the first door person I remember. He was so funny and we worked together when I stamped hands. He was actually the first person I met who had a sarcastic sense of humor. The door people, like the Dee-jays, used to keep themselves separated from the bar staff. The only time people spoke to the door person was to get friends in for free. David Ryan, who used to perform as Doe reen and Trixie were other door people. There was School Teacher Bob, Therese and Dee was favorites. Ray is the head honcho today. He works most of the nights now.
The door people are expected to be jack of all trades. They have to stamp hands, give change, give tickets, answer phone and all the time they are locked in that little 2x4 cubicle. They are the unsung heroes at the bar.
Till tomorrow, be kind

A letter to readers

I would like to clear one thing up…These are my memories of Feathers and everyone has their own. This blog is for everyone and if you have memories and moments add them to the blog…I would love to know what others were going through while all these events were occurring. There are MANY names I will forget, or didn’t really have a relationship with. I know I forgot some Dee-Jay’s like, Garry and John Marto and Peter from years ago, this is not intentional. Everyone made Feathers what it is today and if some names are changed it’s because I never got permission to link them to the bar- any old timers know who they are and any young kids don’t really care.
Everyone thinks their time at Feathers is the best and that is what makes the place so successful. Today someone is walking into the bar for the first time and having his own story to tell. The only difference between my story and theirs is that I know where I ended up and they just started the ride of their life. Would I changes things, sure but look what I would have lost. Life is a continuing journey and we all have our maps to follow…Enjoy yours and remember a life lived is a life with no regrets

Also, everyone has different relationships with people and how someone treated me may not have been the way they treated other people.
Till Tomorrow, be kind

The Music of the Night

Music has always played an important part of Feathers history. Whether it was playing the “old” records or creating a state of the art sound board that merged with the lights, it was all done through the expertise of many.
When I first started hanging at the bar the only Dee- jay that stood out was Randy. Randy was oriental and so funny to talk to, but his music would have them dancing all night. I don’t believe people were as into the sound as discovering a place where they could be themselves. Dee-Jay’s got a bad rap back in the day; they were either drug addicts or alcoholics. They needed to feel the music through booze. No one really minded back then, but look at the songs. Many of the songs back then were Broadway hits put to a disco beat. “Memory”, “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”, “On My Own” and even Ethel Merman had the Disco hit LP. Now if you know those names you are over thirty and know what I’m talking about-if you don’t just know they are the heroes who made the life style easier for you.
Randy was there for quite a while and worked with Joel, our house light and sound guy, to update the club as much as possible on a shoe string budget. Randy also arranged for the shows and was responsible for the “We are The World” benefit and the Featherette’s. Randy moved to California and by the time he came back, it wasn’t the same place.
Brian was a Dee-Jay who suffered from epilepsy. He was a good Dee-Jay, but so insecure. He never trusted in himself, but the people loved him. Unfortunately, the lasting memory of Brian was when Michael, the assistant manager at the time, worried that something was wrong with Brian. He had not showed up for three of his shifts. He went to where Brian lived and had the landlord let him into the apartment. Brian had had a fit and hit his head on the side of the night stand. He died without even knowing.
Tony Finn was another Dee-Jay. He wasn’t a nice person. He resented working in River Edge, New Jersey, but no one else would hire him. Enough said. Then there was Dave, Chris Johnson and I remember we had a dowdy looking guy at the time of Brian and there were others whose name escapes me at the moment. Alex was a cute straight guy who came in with Lady Tita and John Rizzo. Alex was great and left a lasting impression on me.
Billy DeMarco was a Dee-Jay that not many remember, but you never forget—He actually created the Wednesday night format that is today’s most popular night at the bar. He had a fallen out with the management and the owner and became history. Billy was unique in the sense that he was the Dee-Jay, but also like one of the staff. Usually the Dee-jay’s stay in their own world, Billy popped that bubble.
AJ has been Dee-Jaying since they invented Vinyl! I remember going to a club called “Reflections” , owned by Kenny Diaz, and at the end of the night he would play “New York, New York” and the whole place would do a kick line. It was wild! I was so happy when they hired him at Feathers, but he never did his kick line. I never understood people who fight their own popularity. I was known for doing comedy on stage and as much as I wanted to be dramatic, I never did because I knew what my audience wanted, even if I didn’t want it. When you are paid by the public, you are owned by the public. Sad, but true.
Today the club is in the responsible hands of Steve Sidewalk, Lady Tita and the magnificent John Rizzo. The three of them keep the place hopping and have resuscitate it to breath the new life of this new millennium. They are constantly coming up with new and inventive ways to bring in the new and satisfy the old! Hats off to anyone who can do that!
So the next time you are dancing know that there are many heroes who made that dance floor jump and have yet to have the dance floor fall!
Till tomorrow, be kind

Back to the bar

I have been side tracked with my own drama I forgot to describe the atmosphere and attitude. As the years went on the new comers changed. When I first started going to the bar the drinking age was 118 years old. That changed and it became 21 years old. Many of us were “grandfathered” into being allowed to drink- legally once a right is given it cannot be taken away. My generation was probably the last that grew up with Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe and Jimmy Dean and Barbra Streisand. We grew up with the MGM musicals and Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. We believed in Santa Claus until we were in our teens and we respected our elders. We held doors for people and said “excuse me” if we bumped into someone. Girls came into a gay bar and knew that it was a place where men wanted to meet men. The dancers were gay and had fun with customers, there were never a group of women waiting for their man. Actually Hank never allowed dancers in the bar. He was against anything that demeanor the lifestyle. In his own way he was very protective of the gay life and the people. The bartenders were not allowed to flirt with customers, or date them. If we were dating someone they weren’t allowed in the bar when we were working. That changed when Eter and Oe started dating. The bartender and the assistant manager dating was big news and did cause its dramas. Eter wrote in his diary that he was cheating on Oe and Oe found it. That was the whole “Love on the Rocks” situation.
I don’t remember Hank dating anyone. Rumor was that Oe and Hank were lovers at one time. I could never see it, they brought out the worst in each other. They never thought about the repercussions of their actions. They would fire someone and not care that the person had bills. I would hear them giggle and laugh after they did it. Looking back those were such horrible years. I think I would have been a kinder person if I hadn’t experienced those years….
Till tomorrow, be kind

TERRY'S ADVICE

Terry made his grave and he had to lie in it. If I am unsympathetic it is because Terry’s meanness surpassed any that I had ever known.
Terry had gotten wind that I had given John a letter and it did not take long for him to use it against me. I was working the coatroom one night and having my usual banter with Lil Sal when Terry enter the club and commented on how close we were. Sal excused himself and I laid into Terry to stay out of my life! Terry reminded me how close we used to be and how he only has my happiness on his mind….”The sooner you are happy and out of this bar, the sooner I get my own shows!” When he put it that way it sounded like Terry. “You have my attention.”I listened to what he had to say.
“John feels terrible about the drift between the two of you. He doesn’t know how to approach you, he’s shy. He wishes you never gave him the letter and just told him how you felt.”
I was leery of Terry’s words, but when John came in that night he actually said hi to me! This was May and he hadn’t spoken to me since New Year’s Eve, maybe it was a misunderstanding? I asked John how he was and he smiled and said he was fine. I started to melt. Feelings I had not felt in months resurfaced. I blurred out that I am sorry I had given him the letter and I should have told him to his face how much I loved and needed him to complete my life, as I said the words I saw his face turn white and realized Terry had gotten me again. “Don’t waste your time on me I would never fall for a coat check queen!” He went into the bar.
I could see Lil Sal coming back to the coat room. I had my shoulder. He was cold and distant. “You will never be over that loser, if I thought for one moment…you lost tonight and you will never realize just how much,” was all he said to me and left. I was puzzled until Hank came up to the front door. “What happened up here? Sal just told me he can’t work the door anymore and had to leave.”
Sal left and I did realize what I lost. My heart was so heavy and ached and there was Terry smiling in his glory sharing a drink with John.
How much more did I have to lose? All I wanted was to give my friends their shows back!
Till tomorrow, be kind!

Terry

“Not again! Terry wake up!”
It became a weekly event waking Terry up as he laid, passed out, in different positions and spots of the dressing room. Besides doing shows that I officially HATED to do, I was also in charge of making sure Terry stood up and performed. Hank, refusing to be wrong, just asked Terry to be coherent for the half hour he was on stage- nothing more. Terry, sadly, was in search of a family and tried to have the bar take the place of one. Whenever he felt he was being “disinherited” or the end was near, he would phone in his drama. I was fortunate to be there when the emergency call came in that he had OD’ed on tocotrienol and had to be brought to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. Tocotrienol is another word for vitamin E, death was not in his near future.
I loved when Terry was having his melt downs it meant that hank would be weak to my suggestions. So many times I was close to having the Featherette reunion. One week I actually got Kenny Alton in the show! If it wasn’t for the fact Rodger was in Atlanta I think I could have gotten him in the place also. We had a good laugh that night. Me and Alton had to do our own make-up. Alton was used to it, but I never did make-up! Alton made me look like an owl-I didn’t care, I was with my buddy. The stage was like my play ground and I had more fun in the dressing room. On stage, I would pop a water balloon tit or create a zany look and be a hit. Whenever I got too full of myself the audience knew it and booed me into knowing my place. I was there to entertain my audience, not my ego.
Terry on the other hand got attention being a bitch and loved the role. He would curse out the audience and they would come back for more insults. I have to admit I became Terry’s”costume change performer”, a costume change performer is a performer that is thrown out on stage so that the main performer can change their costume. Each week I was able work a little harder at winning the audience. Then one day I realized that the more I relaxed, the more the people liked me.
The more people liked me, the more Terry drank.
“I’ll tell Hank to go F…. himself if he doesn’t like my drinking.” Hank was standing in the doorway.
“I will tell you to go F…. Yourself and get out of my club”
I tried to go to bat for Terry, but Terry stopped me. “I don’t need your pity Pollyanna. Save it for yourself. I know what I am, you have no idea what you are turning into.” Terry warned me as he staggered out. It was hard to take him serious, but I remembered his words.
Till tomorrow, be kind.

How Do You Turn Hard?

With the beginning of the New Year came my new attitude. No more sweet, sequin sewing Sandra Dee! I started o play the game and I was going to win no matter what the cost was. I went into the bar the next night determined to forget John and focus on a Featherette reunion- easier said than done. I walked in and banged right into him. He was flustered and ran away from me in such a hurry he banged into a wall. I felt so bad. I didn’t want this, I just wanted to love someone-him.
It’s so hard to say good-bye to your dream. I was like a steam engine in my pursuit of him. Being with John was perfect for me; I just could not understand him not wanting me. It is quite a shock when you take off those rose colored glasses and see the true colors of the world around you. I was never lonely when I was dreaming of being with John. The thought of him made me feel safe and warm, now I was cold and I felt hardness taking over.
For so long I convinced everyone that I was not lonely as long as I had hope that John and I would one day be together, but when the excuses and the real fact that he did not want me I couldn’t lie or pretend I was alone and lonely! I wanted to tell him that and so many other things, but Casper convinced me not to. He told me to stay away from John and let him have his room. I was in no position to disagree; I made a grown man cry.
Whether is was because we were gaining our own independence or the fact he was bored, Hank started the New Year making demands on us. I was his comic and after the “Spic and Span-ish” fiasco he let me do my own thing; Sami would come in and just close shows. The tension was growing between Terry and Casper- they were both disco divas and competing for the same audience.
Hank was pushing Casper to be his next star and Casper, quite surprisingly, went along with Hank. No one knew why until Terry exposed the truth.
It seems a friend of Terry, Eddie, had found out that Casper was underage and using fake ID. Terry was thrilled to run and tell Hank, “for the sake of the bar and the livelihood of the workers.” Casper was gone and another name Hank would not allow was to say in his presence.
Needless to say conversations with Hank was getting hard with so many on his poop list. Casper explained to Sami and I that his” age” was the reason he went along with so many of Hank’s zany ideas.
With Casper gone the shows were down to me , Terry and Sami…By the next show we would be down one more performer. Seems Sami refused to do a number that Hank had wanted him to do. He flung a waiters tray across the dance floor and before the tray hit the wall Sami was banished.
I was getting lonelier as the weeks went on. FEATHER the ultimate show place was turning into a battlefield bloodier than WWII.
The shows were now me and Terry and even that was about to change….
Till Tomorrow, Be kind.

New Years Day

How do you sleep with no dream to put you to sleep? That New Year’s Eve night was the longest night of my life. There was no way to hide from the truth. John did not care about me. I spent so much time and energy and had empty hands.
I woke or just decided to stop pretending to lay asleep in my bed. Rodger had invite Aton and myself for a New Years Dinner! I told them my whole devastating story and was provided with TWO shoulders! I missed our friendship. When I felt the tears would never stop, Rodger pulled out the photo books. Back in those days we would have 110 instamatics cameras. They weren’t so instant it took months to use a roll of film and then take them in to be developed, which was another week.
I hadn’t seen any of the pictures and there was our summer shows. We laughed and reminisced. The behind the scene stories were funnier than the actual shows. I was voted the most neurotic, like there was any question. Alton was the sneaky one. The more the wine poured the more the secrets came out. Alton confessed to all the giggles he started and I got blamed for, it was like confessing to mother. Rodger wasn’t sure we deserved our gifts, gifts? We felt terrible that we didn’t a\have anything for Rodger. He gave us an 8x10 of the Featherette’s, I still have mine.
The three of us decided that we still had a few shows left in us and I promised to get us reunited. I had something to dream for, but this time I was going to make it happen. I felt disappointment and was determined never to feel it again.
Till tomorrow, be kind

After the BAr New Years EVe

With the night not exactly turning out to what I had expected the little optimistic voice in me said, “Push the envelope. Give him the letter. He doesn’t know how you feel.” What did I have to lose? As John left the bar that night I told him I had something for him. I handed him the letter. Casper told me we were all meeting at the diner. Little Sal over heard and warned me about hanging out in public with “queenie” people. He did know how to make me smile, usually in disbelief.
I arrived at the diner with Sami and saw Casper and John in the Forum parking lot. He was holding the letter in his hand. Sami and I walked into the diner. The whole walk I was wondering why he wasn’t running over to me? He read the letter that told him, FINALLY, how I felt! It was a New Year! A few minutes after Sami and I were seated and chatting with the entire bar regulars Casper came in and grabbed me. We went into the bathroom.
“Girl, you destroyed him! “ Casper said. “He read your letter and was crying!” I was kind of happy that it evolved an emotion until Casper ended the thought. “…He said he would never feel the same way for you! You aren’t his type!”
I felt like the whole world came crashing down on me! I was alone in a crowded room. It wasn’t until Casper started crying, saying, “With all you people crying around me how can I not cry!” that I realized I was crying. I didn’t feel tears. Casper kept banging the door on the faces of everyone who tried to come into the bathroom, every now and then I heard a “clunk” and heard “OUCH!”
Casper wanted to go out and meet and greet everyone, he wanted to make sure I was alright before he left. I was all alone in the bathroom. Lil Sal came into the bathroom, he saw me a mess. “John doesn’t like me.” Was all I could say? “I told you he had no taste.” I fell into his arms and just cried. I wanted to escape and not see anyone. He told me I was too fat to go through the window. I giggled and he cleaned me up. He drove me home and I went to sleep that New Year without a dream to dream…
Till tomorrow, be kind

The kissless kiss

Black out caused the delay in posting….sorry

Twelve o’clock was getting nearer and my anticipation was getting the better of me. As midnight came closer my reality began to get fuzzy. I had Johnny not only proposing to me and taking me out the side door and off to our honeymoon! Casper came down to see if I was going to be upstairs. I asked Little Sal to watch the door. “and if I don’t come back, you were..okay to work with.” I said with all my sincerity.” “Where do you think you’re going?” he inquired. I thought it was lovely how he could play dumb…then again, maybe he wasn’t…
I went up-stairs and stopped Johnny standing all alone in the corner. I bopped over and casually stood next to him. I didn’t want to make it look to obvious. He turned to me and said “Hey. They let you out of your cage?...Good to see you!” then he hugged me. I was in heaven!
“Well someone has to kiss you at 12:00” I boldly said, I shocked myself. “I’ll make sure you are the first one I kiss” he said as he went on to chat with Chris and Dominick. Casper was poking me with delight. I was on cloud nine!
I was right next to John when the countdown began and my mind and fantasy was racing…”10, 9 – our bedroom will be in peach…8,7… no peach is too gay even for the 80’s… 6, 5…Battleship grey…4, 3 …It’s going to happen!..2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR! I turned to kiss John and as our lips were about to touch Oe spun him around and kissed him on the lips!
I stood there stunned. My life ending! John went on to kiss Casper and Dom and turned to me and said, “I got you already didn’t I?” The music continued to play and I stood in the middle of the dance floor stunned. People kissed me and I did not respond I just stood there- stunned.
As I walked from the dance floor I felt like I was walking the gang plank, reach step I went down made my heart sink even deeper. I went into the coatroom still stunned and had Lil Sal saying something to me. I couldn’t hear him. I never got my kiss and John didn’t even know or care.
Lil Sal gave me a hug…”Hey, why so sad. I know, I know- okay, You can kiss me on the cheek in public.”
I broke into tears while hugging him and felt him hug me to himself even tighter.
I never had a fantasy come true and that night was no exception.
Till tomorrow, be kind

Antonio Cedeno Presents : Black Ball

SPECIAL BLOG:
Last night was the return of Antonio Cedeno Presents and the impressive “Lights Out Black Ball”! Who knew he had the power to get Nature to go along with the party! While Bergen County scurried around avoiding trees and wires falling from out of nowhere, Antonio Cedeno Presents, took not only people’s minds off the messy weather, but made many forget. There was an exciting energy that ran through the club last night, and I’m not going to compare it to old days-because it’s not, its new energy with new people and new ideas that are blowing the roof off the place. Out of the two hundred plus people last night NOT ONE person had a bad time. Everyone was smiling and laughing and embracing, not only the event but, the spirit in which it was created.
Antonio Cedeno, an emerging promoter to be reckoned with, shined as he handed out give-a-way's and posed for pictures with guest. He took the time to welcome everyone at the front door and encouraged guest to join in the festivities.
The night was one successful event after another beginning with Undergear give-a-ways. Special note: There was a gift basket that was raffled off filled with great items from Karma Salon & Spa & a Geronimo doll (proceeds went to benefit the Haiti relief.)
Geronimo, who turned the wicked weather into wicked hotness! I also have to mention great performances by Shequida Hall & recording artist Angelo Dagostino. There was also a Leather Contest. I am telling you it was one exciting moment after another.
Music has become the show stopping star at Antonio Cedeno Presents events.
Like the last event people could not be in two places at once and were torn where to hang. The dance floor was never empty last night, trust me twice I tried crossing it. The difference last night was that people were friendly and made way for others to pass. There was no attitude, just an air of good will. It was fun to observe customers shooting drinks and laughing one minute and then burning up the dance floor the next. Dee-Jay John Rizzo pumped up the music until the place exploded from the high energy. The night was driven by excitement. Hats off to JOHN RIZZO.
LADY TITA made everyone ask the question, “Why isn’t there a Dee Jay downstairs all the time?” It was like being at two different clubs. The music downstairs did not compete with upstairs, but complimented it. People were feeling the music while they took their money out to pay their admission. They could not wait to get into the place! Having a Dee Jay downstairs adds so much a party and it’s great that Antonio Cedeno Presents takes advantage of it. Lady’s music was the cherry on top of an evening that was just as unexpected as the weather itself- and like the weather “ANTONIO CEDENO PRESENTS “BLACK BALL” ripped up the evening at FEATHERS!

busy today...see you tomorrow..i'll have a double...sal and eddie and johnny

New years EVE!

After riding the high from Christmas, New Years Eve found me shopping with Kenny Alton for the perfect outfit to work the coat room in. I know working in a coatroom on New Years Eve with an annoying Italian (what is the opposite of Stallion?) is nothing to dress up for, but rumor had it that John was going to be there AND have a surprise for me! Omg !!! I WAS GOING TO BE A Sadie, Sadie married lady!
I convinced Kenny Alton over our New Years Eve lunch that John was going to come in and swept me out of the coatroom and take me out of that that FOREVER! Next Christmas was going to be spent in our love nest. Alton always loved my imagination, “Eddy I can’t even get a guy to call me back and you have him riding horses.” He said as we giggled with my imaginary scenario. I admit thinking he was going to ride a white horse into the bar was a little extreme (really how could the horse get up the stairs?).
Alton had wished he could be there for the event, but had a date with a NYC cop. “Only problem is, he has never seen me out of drag.” I never said our lives very normal.
After lunch I went home and took a disco nap (Three hours with cucumbers on my eyes). I was refreshed and smelt like a Denny’s salad bar, but I didn’t care. I left the house a single spinster, but coming home a Sadie, married lady!
I had picked out a tuxedo shirt and bow tie with fake leather pants. I thought I was the hottest thing to walk the Universe, maybe I was, but I had to be cute for John. I didn’t want people to think that John dated down.
That night was so festive and even little Sal’s annoying comments did not bother me. He was convinced I dressed for him and even offered to kiss me at 12 o’clock. OMG! I made him promise to stay as far away from me as possible. Tradition has it, that the person you kiss at midnight on New Years Eve is the person you will spend the whole year with! I had used 3 chap sticks to make sure my lips were ready for Johnny!
Little Sal kept waving mistletoe around trying to get a kiss and I kept pushing him away. Finally, John showed up with this big, wrapped package. I was in shock. Even more shocked when he handed it to me and said “This is because you got me a Christmas present.” Do I exaggerate about John’s romantic side?
That night those words were music to my ears…I kept thinking, “This is such a large box for a wedding ring, but what do I know I never had a wedding ring.” I opened the gift and found a denim jacket. “Too “butch-in” you up.” He said as he went into the bar. “Thank-you” I called down to him as he entered into the bar” …You’re on my guest list.” I yelled.
I was checking the pockets thinking maybe he hid the ring in one of them as a funny romantic moment. Little Sal thought I was looking for money. No ring-or money.
Oh well, I still had our kiss to look forward to. Maybe the jacket was to throw me off I convinced myself. As the night grew closer to midnight, my heart was uncontrollable. I had Little Sal watch the coatroom while I went to find John and take a picture with him. I wanted to remember that night in my heart and my photo book forever. I found him and had on the jacket and forced Casper to take the picture. I was in heaven! John was in hell. Should have read the signs….
Till tomorrow, be kind.

Christmas Eve in the 80's

The Joy of that Christmas was one I will carry in my heart forever. Between helping little Sal chop down his first Christmas Tree and hand sewing a sequin Christmas Stocking for my Johnny Angel I was filled with the Christmas spirit. It was the first Christmas where I gave and did not look to receive. I was happy to see the smiles on their faces when they opened their gifts. I had grown up and didn’t even realize it. So many new and different emotions, how do you pick which you want to keep and which you want to throw away?
Christmas Eve was so nice at the bar back then. We would all meet after doing the “family” thing. Many replaced the midnight mass with the bar get-together. All the employee’s and Hank and Oe would share a toast and exchange gifts and we laughed. Dominick gave me a phone so I could gossip. Sami gave everyone pictures of himself and Casper gave out IOU’s. Marty and his boyfriend showed up with gifts for all and the list goes on. Kenny Alton came over to the bar and we hugged and laughed and just enjoyed seeing each other again. He still didn’t feel comfortable coming back to the bar, but we had gifts for each other. He informed me that Rodger was doing well and that the two of them were thinking of doing a show at other clubs.
After Alton left I divided myself between Johnny and Little Sal, but it was Little Sal who invited me to go see the tree at Rockefeller Center. We went and sang carols with the homeless people. It was bitter sweet, like my life, I was watching homeless people with their lives in plastic bags and Little Sal in the Christmas spirit, but I was sad thinking of Johnny. Sal was buying the homeless hot chocolate and I didn’t even see his goodness, I just missed John.
I went to sleep with the angels that Christmas and it was the first Christmas I woke and didn’t run to open presents. I was a grown up. I went to Christmas morning mass and looked forward to shake hands of peace. I had so much to be happy for, great family and friends!
Till tomorrow, be kind

Love on the Rocks

The Christmas show was a week before Christmas, and my firing. Here is the real story…
Terry set out for revenge and it wasn’t long until I gave him the ammo to shoot back. Terry lived in the town next to me and on occasion we would go to the bar together. We would bus it and go for coffee before the bar opened. This one night I fell victim to Terry’s sob story. He called and said that his career was over and his parents were kicking him out. He went on to explain that his parents were kicking him out of the house. I agreed to meet with him. We chatted and in the conversation I mention that everyone had problems, “Look at Oe and Peter. Oe caught Peter with another guy. Guess Oe is singing “Love on the rocks”” Now I had no idea about secrets and gossip and I thought if I knew it everyone did. Terry was thrilled and you would have thought that I gave him a mouse on his venom lined tongue and his smile warned me that I said too much. Needless to say before the end of the night I got my speech about spreading gossip from Oe and my phone call from Hank about being let go the next day.
Terry got his shows and Feathers got the most expensive liquor bills.
Till tomorrow, be kind

The Christmas Show

The scars from doing shows still find me today. When we did shows everyone had an opinion. They told us what song to sing, what to wear. To this day I still ask 1,000 people their opinion before I do something-it insane! My Irish Grandmother raised me to be independent and strong- “God is nearer than the door and he will always provide!” Yet here I was being manipulated by these nobody’s whose opinion should not have meant a thing to me- yet they did.
That Christmas Hank had decided to have an employee Christmas Show. The employee’s would perform as a thank you to their customers. Sami and Marty opened the show as elves and gave out candy canes to “We Need A Little Christmas”, Eddie, the present manager, was Elvis, Terry did Eartha Kitt’s “Santa Baby”, Scott g. was “Frosty the Snowman”, Scott the Waiter was Rudolph, and he was the funniest. He protested doing the show and did everything he could to get out of it, but the more he protested the more Hank insisted that he do it. So Scott, who was probably the only one to get one over on Hank, rented a Rudolph costume from Ken’s Magic Shop and it came with a head mask-no one knew it was him and he just came out and waved. He was a riot! Scott the bartender wasn’t so lucky. He was in a snowman costume but the head was not a mask so he had to lip “Frosty”. He was the most miserable Frosty I have ever seen.
Hank thought it would be funny to have me perform “Rockin Around The Christmas Tree” as a Christmas tree. He had them tie an artificial tree around my body and wrapped the branches around my arms and legs. Problem one: when I reached up the tree disassembled in the middle where the poles connect and half the tree fell back and started a gagging effect. Problem two: when I walked the branch spokes dug into my legs. They were pinching and stabbing me. Problem three: Terry was in charge of plugging my lights in during the instrumental. As I went on stage at the beginning of my number I overheard Terry ask if a person could get electrocuted if water spills on the outlet. The lights went out and I didn’t light up. I yelled backstage only to hear Terry respond, “Darling I am doing a costume change and cannot bend over, just light a few matches.” The lights came back up and my tree branch “somehow” got attached to the stage curtain and slid the curtain opened as I moved exposing Terry in all his glory. I swear I did not know he taped! The place went nuts with laughter! Terry saw through the mirror that he was exposed and fell to the floor trying to grab the curtain. I was having too much fun inching away from him with the curtain still attached to my branches. Pictures were taken and he ate humble pie all week, until he caught me in a moment of weakness. .. “Love on the Rocks”
Till tomorrow, be kind.

fired the first time

John was getting comfortable chatting with me and we spoke about holidays and traditions. I found out that John never had a Christmas Stocking! I was shocked-how could you not have a Christmas Stocking! The next day I went out and bought a kit and hand sewed a sequin Christmas Socking with his name on it- 2,000 sequins. My eyes were blinded!
Hank had given up on decorating the bar for the holidays after the aluminum foil fiasco and Eddie, Hank best friend there, was the obvious choice to do the job. Eddie had, and still does, a traditional sense to his decorating. Eddie gave Feather’s its homey feeling, before Eddie’s touch the bar was just a bar. Eddie decorated like he was decorating his own house. Green garland with clusters of ornaments and twinkling lights, there was a romance in the air.
Aside from the employee holiday party and the gift given, we would get bags of gifts from not only the customers, but each other, we went out together. Groups of us would go to dinner, the movies, into the city. It was three days before Christmas and I was just getting ready to go out with Marty, Dominick, Casper, Sami and Tony when I got a phone call from Hank. He fired me. “Someone saw you take money from the tip bowl and none of the other employee’s like you so you shouldn’t come into the club.” WHAT! When the group got to my house I asked them about what Hank said and we got a good laugh over it. We went into the city and took a carriage ride down 5th Avenue to see the tree lighting. It was a light snow and the smell of Christmas trees on the street corners filled the air. As we got closer to the Rockefeller Center Tree we could smell the chestnuts roasting on an open fire. We got out of our carriage and went into the ice skating rink restaurant and ordered Hot Chocolate and watched the skaters.
Okay, so we went into the corner gay bar and ordered beers and shots and cruised the skaters for hotties. We were laughing and having a great time. Everyone was buying me drinks because I was unemployed. It was funny back then the staff did not hang out with management. Today everyone hangs together, back then there was definitely a line that was drawn. Eddie and Peter were the only ones connected with Hank and Oe, to the rest of us they were just bosses. The laughed continued until Casper mentioned that I would not see John for the Holidays. My night ended. No John, I could deal with anything but not that.
The next night I took the high road and went into the bar and gave Hank the gift I had made for him, it was a photo book of all the shows… I mushed it up a little by adding words to make him feel guilty. It worked; he invited me into the bar for drinks and rehired me out of the goodness of his heart.
The real story was that no one would work in the coatroom. I found out that he let me go because he was interested in a guy and the guy wanted to work in the coatroom. The guy ran when he found out that you couldn’t keep your tips. No matter how hot Hank thought a guy was he would never give up his tip money.
I didn’t care I had my john back in my life and I was able to give him his Christmas Gift.
I gave John his gift on Christmas Eve. He was touched and I could tell I made a dent in a heart that had been harden over the years. Casper had told me that John told him I was a special person. It was time to give him the letter…
Till tomorrow, be kind

snow nights

I decided not to give John the letter right away. It was coming on to the holidays and the air was festive. The first snow fall found me, Sami and Casper and a few other adventure seekers grabbing cardboard beer boxes from the dumpster and heading to the golf course to go sleigh riding in a neighboring town. Back then we thought nothing of driving in the snow and when your car slid around we went with it and laughed. We were young and dumb and didn’t know any better. One of the bartenders would always bring a few bottles of beer and we would use the snow as our cooler. A snowy night, a make shift sled and good friends was all we needed to say warm.
Looking back I wonder why I didn’t appreciate those moments, instead I thought of John. I missed John and wished he was sharing the night with me. I knew what it felt like to be lonely in the middle of a crowd. Sami and Casper would try to set me up with guys, but they paled to John. Besides John was alone and needed someone to show him the fun parts of life. He needed someone to make memories with.
My life was taking changes and they weren’t ones that I choose for myself. Peter, the muscle bartender, was taking acting classes at HB studios in NYC and talked me into wanting to be an actor. I had a stage on Tuesday night s and thought being an actor wouldn’t be a terrible thing to be. Realizing John wanted a man I got a job at Jack LaLanne’s health spa. I was going to be a trainer. After everyone stopped their laughter I explained that I could work-out for free and get muscles while I give cal classes. But with all these events going on in the day, I still lived for the night. The night and my hope of seeing Johnny was all I lived for back then. Working in the coatroom limited how much I could see him and I spend too many long nights with an annoying Guido nagging me every five minutes about how hot he was. “You want me? He would hag at me all night. He would purposely ID people just for laughs. He had his own little fan club and would have his Dewars on the rocks.
Johnny always made it a point to stop and kiss me on the cheek hello. He would nod at Lil Sal. They had known each other for a while, but were always cold to each other. Sal hated that I liked John...
Till Tomorrow, be kind

the letter part 2

The Letter. I poured all my feeling out into a letter! OH MY GOD! I was so dramatic; I told John how his presence made my existence worth wild. How lonely I was on nights when he was not at the bar. How I would camp out at a gym if that meant he would love me. I ended it with, “Even if the whole world looked down on you in shame, I would always look up to you with respect because you will always be my Johnny Angel!” I was such a poet back then. The letter came so easy to write I just spilled out all the emotions and feelings that I had bottled up for him. It was getting near Thanksgiving and Hank had given me a job in the coatroom. It was $35.00 a night and he got to keep the tips. He told me the reason I did not get to keep the tips was because the bar needed the tip money to light the parking lot lights- sounded right to me. I got free drinks, admission, and $35.00, plus I was becoming a bar star. The problem with the job was working close to Little Sal! I have written about him, but when I first met him he rubbed me the wrong way! Mr. Macho all the way. He had the “I’m too straight to talk to you” attitude. Whenever my friends would come to chat at the coatroom doorway with me he would chase them away. “No Queenie talk! Go away.” And they would run from him. He was this little muscle peanut, but they feared him. I went one-on-one with him. I was NOT attracted to him! When I wrote the letter to John he warned me not to give it to him. He had known John and told me John was into men not drag queens. I informed him I was not a drag queen but a performer. “Do you wear dresses?” “Yes” “Then you’re a drag queen. End of story.”
Even as I write about him now I get that “wanna punch him in the face” feeling, he was so memorable. Till Tomorrow be kind

The Letter

The next week I was standing alone in the dressing room. I was all alone. Terry came barging in and dropped his three suitcases of drag crap. “Are you in here for a reason?” Terry asked me. “I am doing a show.” I answered. “Why? Why are you here? Why don’t you just go with your has-beens, Darling.”
“Listen up Darling, I am here and whether you like it or not I am staying. Maybe if you had enough talent to carry a show I wouldn’t have to be here.” Terry stormed out to get a drink and I hated that he made me so angry. I was determined that I was going to get the Featherette’s together again and I was not going to allow him to stop me.
Casper and Sami showed up and tossed Terry’s stuff out the side door. I giggled as Terry yelled at them, they just laughed in Terry’s face and took control of the place. Terry was smoking mad and you could see revenge in his eyes. He took himself to the kitchen to get ready for the show.
By the time the show started he was slurring his words and had his wig on backwards. No one had the patience’s for his childish attempts for attention. We did the show and I was the show stopper- I did a number called “Bobby’s Girl” dressed in a cheerleaders outfit. Last minute fear of bombing found me doing cartwheels and flips on the dance floor. I ended with a split and I think I can still feel the muscle strain today.
There is a truth about a performer getting strength and energy on stage. I used to go out on stage and never knew what was going to happen until it happened. I always remembered Peter’s blood dripping down his face as I clung onto his hair during our number and “16 Going on 17” number and kept going. This night I was flopping and I had to be good, I just kept thinking of Rodger and Alton.
For my finale I jumped on the skid row bar (Little bar upstairs on the dance floor) and did a flip off the bar and onto the center of the stage-the place went wild and I thanked God I was still alive. Afterwards one of the bartenders named Bobby thanked me for doing a song for him. He was cute so I went along with him- actually Hank had picked the song. I still wanted Johnny and was more determined than ever to win him. Casper had told me, “Girl If you are afraid to talk to him, just write him a letter.”
That night I went home and wrote THE LETTER…
Till Tomorrow, Be Kind

The halloween show

That Halloween I was the sexy bride of Frankenstein…Hank decided to do a thriller Halloween. I was to perform “I live among the Creatures of the Night”, Alton was dressed as a damsel in distress performing “Holding out for a Hero” Casper was performing “Let’s hear it for the Boy” as a cheer leader and Sammy, who changed his name to Sami, “I’m a Brass Band” as a marching majorette twirling a baton. Terry did Michael Jackson’s Thriller protesting all the way. “If I didn’t look so good as Michael Jackson I would be embarrassed performing as a boy…Why am I telling you, you’re never embarrassed.” Terry directed his remarks to Alton. “Terry I know I am not a good performer, but I AM PRETTY IN DRAG! “ Alton snapped back at Terry. The dressing room stood silent. None of us ever had seen Alton lose his cool. I pulled him out the side door.
“Don’t let that poor man’s sex change get to you.” I said comforting Alton as we lit our cigarettes. “ It’s not Terry, It’s just not the same without Rodger.” I knew what he was saying and he was right. We weren’t into this stuff, we were into the friendship that happened. The we heard the beep of a car horn and turned to see Carol Burnett driving an open top jeep. “RODGER!!!” we both laughed and ran to the parking lot to see him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked as I landed in his front seat. “I was at home feeling sorry for myself and decided to dress up and crash the parking lot.” We laughed as Rodger drove us around. We laughed as we fooled around teasing the parking lot men. It’s not every night you meet Carol Burnett, The Bride of Frankenstein and a damsel in distress in the parking lot of Feathers.
We were telling Rodger how much we missed him when we heard Terry screaming outside the side door for us to come in for the show. We kissed Rodger good-bye and went inside. The bar never looked as dark as it did that moment we entered the dressing room. One minute we were laughing with the full burst of joy that laughter is supposed to evoke and the next we are carrying the chains of hell as we prepared to perform for the people who just wanted to make fun of us.
The thing about performing in a gay bar is you know people aren’t there to throw roses, more like daggers. No one tells you how great you were, just how your make up looked scary or your heels didn’t match your dress.
Alton was nervous about his song. He wasn’t feeling it. I told him to leave it to me…I tied his arms behind him and attached the rope to the shelf behind the stage curtain…”They won’t expect you to move and dance because you’re tied up.” He was a hit, but depressed after the show.
“I think I am going to talk to Hank about leaving the shows…I met a guy and he’s not into drag queens.” Alton confided in me. “When did you meet this guy? And why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded to know. “I met him about a month ago…I tried telling you, but you get so caught up in these shows. “ “Alton I have to get Rodger back?” “Well when you do then I’ll return. I love you Eddy”
Alton left the shows that night and Hank banished him from our memory. I had to hold on to pictures and my determination to get us back on the stage. They were my friends and I had to make it right. I had to!
Till tomorrow, be kind